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Beauty For Ashes

 God's timing is perfect. Even when we are broken. Even when our whole world is falling apart. Even when we are on the floor weeping and wailing and crying out in anguish.  Before we even glimpse our healing, God is already behind the scenes working. Preparing the Way for us. Providing for needs we did not even know we had. Little did I know when I was sobbing on the hard, cold bathroom floor, God was moving. He was preparing something so beautiful... something beyond what I could have imagined.  Psalm 30:11-12 says,  You turned my wailing into dancing,  You removed my garments of mourning, and clothed me with joy,  that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever.   The Voice version says:  You turned my deepest pains into joyful dancing! When God told me, "It's time to cease mourning and get up and dance", He knew the gift that was on the horizon. Not that the grieving process is irrevocably over, but there wa
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God Is Able

 Last night I attended a Presbytery service. It's a special time where multiple leaders take turns speaking a word of encouragement over people in attendance.  We all need encouragement at times. As I incubate, as I wait for God to guide me into what is next, I connect with that need to remind myself of what I already know. One of the words spoken last night really struck me, " Shout to your fear, and preach to your doubt. " We need to make a habit to speak aloud the following truths.   I invite you to do this with me, wherever you are, raise your voice and proclaim these promises from  Psalm 145:13. I can take God at His word.  God keeps His promises. #promisekeeper God is faithful.  God's timing is perfect. (Psalm 31:15, Ecclesiastes 3:1)  When God says, "Wait" it's because He is working to line up all the resources, people, positions, and facets of everything He has already planned to do over and in and through us.  The waiting is not an accident. Th
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Incubating

When you meet new people, there are always the getting to know you questions. Where do you live? What do you do? How do you spend your days?   I've been telling people I'm in a "transitional season." I'm waiting for God to show me what is next. I share that I'm grateful for His provision so I can catch my breath and rebuild.  Last night God asked me to reframe how I've been defining this season. To look through the lens of Divine preparation rather than the mindset of "transition".   People keep asking me- "What do you want to do with your life?" But the question I'm choosing to ask is, "God, what do YOU want to do with my life? What do you want to do in and through me?" I'm open to anything. Honestly, I hope that He won't send me back into the public school system. I'd like to be connected with some sort of ministry. My heart is to serve Him. But I know that anything I can think up falls way short of His amazi
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Edges and Soul

John Legend sings a beautiful ballad, "All of me, loves all of you." Listening to this song can be a spiritual experience. The piano cords are otherworldly. The vocals are simple, yet exquisite, and the words speak of a love that encircles every imperfection and yet, still chooses to love.  Have you ever known a love like that?  A love that stays constant while recognizing and accepting "all your curves and all your edges"? Ya'll, I've got some edges. And the only One I know that loves like that is Jesus. #neveralone I'm in a season of change and untethering. I have no idea what the future holds. The only stability in my life is God himself. Living in the unknown presses my edges to the surface. I'm far from perfect, but I am holding tight to the only One that has a clue what is coming down the road. So this song has become a worship experience for me. Maybe it's crazy, but when I hear this song, I can feel the Holy Spirit singing some of the lyr
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The Big Why, Part Two

 Do you ever ask God, "Why?"  I'd like to say I haven't, but ya'll, the truth is that yes, I have. A few weeks ago my husband asked for a divorce.  I was shocked. I never in a million years thought this would happen to me. I was careful in who I chose to get serious with. I purposefully waited until I felt God had given his stamp of approval on the relationship. I chose someone who not only shared my faith but also actively served God and was dedicated to him. I did everything I knew to do to be sure and choose "the right person"... But the truth is nobody ever thinks this will happen to them. Most people who say "I do" intend it to be forever. And very few people see this sort of thing coming.  So why do these things happen?  I don't know the full answer, but I can tell you some truths:  Truth #1:  I grew immensely through the friendships and mentorships God connected me with while married to an army chaplain. I got to participate in an in
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That time When God Told Elijah to take a Nap

Ya'll, it's been a rough few months. Heck, it's been a rough year. It's the anniversary of the week when COVID-19 brought unprecedented changes. Many lost their jobs as businesses closed and the economy suffered. I was in that number. My family has been fortunate... just before the COVID assistance stopped, a door opened to teaching position, and I found myself going back to public school after 20 years. #thingsIneverthoughtwouldhappen #theOnlydoor I've heard it said that "There is no tired like Teacher Tired." After 5 months of long hours and multiple huge projects piled on all at once (plus a steep learning curve in a new grade level) I can attest that this is truth. I have not felt this tired since the year that my oldest son spent months in and out of the hospital on a monthly and weekly basis.  There is an exhaustion that goes beyond the physical and seeps into the very psyche. All of who I am, physically, emotionally, and spiritually has been excepti
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The Big Why

A loved one asked me recently, "Why did God cause this to happen? What lesson are we supposed to learn?" The context, of course,  was the COVID-19 Quarantine. Here's the thing: I don't believe God caused this to happen. Just like I don't believe God "gave " my oldest son Type 1 Diabetes at the age of four, or depression and anxiety at the age of 16. I don't believe God "caused" my husband to have PTSD or my other son to have a sensory disorder due to birth trauma (God did not cause the birth trauma either). God caused none of this. My loved one replied to my assertion, "But He allowed it. He's got to want us to learn something from it." The underlying question is: Why does God allow suffering? And one of the big myths of the Christian faith is "so that we can learn something from it". Now, before you get overly excited about me calling this a myth, just take a moment to breathe and "Listen to UNDERS
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