In seasons when I rush to and from medical appointments, trying to find a time to fit in grocery shopping can be a challenge. I miss that slower pace, recognize my need to unwind, remember a recent retreat (in Ireland). Together with other wounded warrior families, for an entire week Roger and I were blessed by lavish love. Such an amazing gift, having every one of my needs met- often without even asking.
We came home, jolting into reality . My teenage son was dealing with major health issues and urgent appointments needed to be made. Difficult conversations have peppered the weeks since our return- and even more medical appointments than usual. I am so very grateful for the respite granted, and when I close my eyes I can still see the lush greens that soothe and heal a heart battered by busy-ness.
Now it seems there are different mountains to climb; again my life is consumed by simply trying to keep one son alive, and care for the needs of the other. At times I feel that I cannot handle ONE more thing. Yet there is homework to be done, teachers to contact, missed class work to turn in- even some class work to complete because though my son was present, he did not feel well enough to do the work.
Recovery is a process, but life goes on-- while we are simply trying to exhale.
Oswald Chambers speaks of being overwhelmed, of fear seeping in as I focus on my circumstances. Life can be overwhelming. Yet this I know- I am only free, when I rest in the Presence that secures and sustains.
As Blood Glucose levels crash and swell, and emotions follow suit, I can reach for the hand of the only One who can save me. From fear, from anger, from myself and my own shortcomings.
Breathing deep has been a necessary practice; a sustained exhaling, two beats longer than the inhale. I am learning to Just Breathe- two counts in and four counts out.
In: one, two... Out: one, two, three, four.
Slowly, surely releasing stress and finding restfulness.
This moment, it is imperative to release my anxieties and seek stillness. To stop trying to control everything, and focus on controlling what I turn to-
and Who, amidst the chaos.
I do not know how long the climb will be- and I don't have to.
I can discipline my mind to focus on the needs of is moment. I can train my heart to connect to my Source, trusting in the strength that comes today- for this ONE step. Later we can approach the next step, and the one to follow.
Such an amazing gift, having every one of my needs met-every care in my heart covered. All I have to do is reach out and connect to the One who is my saving.
It is a day by day, moment by moment transaction, and it's the only way to know true rest.