There comes a time of waiting, after I've passed through the place of doing. Appointments are made, meetings scheduled, points of contact lined up. Everything I can do, has been done, and now, it is time to wait, not on God, but in him.
Along this way there has been clear guidance. Little provisions, that in the scheme of things, are not so little. The counselor who to thought pull records so diagnoses and treatments could be accessed exactly when needed. The diagnostician who just 'happened' to walk into the office when I was filling out paperwork. The Occupational Therapist's office who called to let me know that insurance had (finally) approved a visit, records had been reviewed and they are ready to schedule an appointment (a couple months out). The call that came today, moving the appointment a week closer because the doctor had a conflict. (I'd call it a divine intervention.) Early on God told me that there would be a time of waiting- and to not be discouraged.
In fact, Joshua 1:9 has been before me for months now:
This is my command, be strong and courageous. Never be afraid or discouraged because I am your God, the Eternal One, and I will remain with you wherever you go.
God has said clearly that he will meet every need, and that he gives direction when I have the heart to hear. Sometimes I am to move, and other times, to wait. Even though it feels a bit like wandering around in the desert, there is much to be learned in wilderness waiting.
Whether the wilderness place comes after a great rescue, or seemingly out of nowhere, steps can be ordered if a heart is willing to keep watch for the One who guides. While it's true that wilderness times can be brought on by our own choices- or the decisions of those around us, it is also true that there is a time to feel the weight of grieving, or of waiting.
Regardless of the season, I can be prepared, for the One who leads also sustains-with spiritual Manna. I am learning to not step forward until the timing is complete. For in His time, God removes every obstacle. Nothing can separate me from the will of God- except my own impatience.
So now, in this time when I am guided to stand firm, it's about waiting in the preparation place. Waiting can be passive, or active. Do I grumble and complain about how slowly the time is moving, or do I watch and pray, recognizing His provision with gratitude?
It is mine to choose where to focus. And as I move with him, in him, God gives enough for today; teaching me to not be greedy, to take time to listen to his whispers, which come as I am still before him. Time to enjoy the breeze on my face, time to recognize his caress in my heart and soul. I must Be Still to know the wind as His whispers. To be ever aware to his provision, to allow songs of gratitude to spring forth. It's time to remember the many ways he has provided along the journey, and look for the ways He still provides manna today.
I lift my eyes up, at the landscape rolling out before me. And it is here, in the wilderness, that I remember: my help comes not from the hills, but from their maker.