In the Chaos.... and In the Calm

Loss. It can come quietly, in expected waves, or suddenly, in a single blinding moment. It can leave debris scattered across city blocks, charred remains of ash and steel, blood and soul. Some days we've never forgotten.  "The grief does not go away," one victim whispered. Such loss. So much trauma.  In the days that followed, shock and grief carved caverns which are unquantifiable. The families of the victims do not remember only today. They carry aching chasms, never again feeling quite whole.  In times like these, the question comes: Where is God when the unspeakable happens?  Images seared in my mind, I offer up a question in response, "Who would do such a thing? " It was my first coherent thought after the madness. In the days that came, my husband packed his military gear, and I watched footage after work. Hope for survivors waned, and carnage evoked the reality of war come home. The question reeled- "Who would do such a thing?"  As the...

Chaos exploded across my life last week- unexpected, though I try to be aware that there is more at work in this world than what I can see. In the mornings, in the moments of quiet, I am working to purposely chose to connect to the Voice of Truth, drawing me back from the brink.  Sometimes I believe I am on my own in this journey, but Truth reminds me that, even when my help-mate is traveling, I am still not alone.  In the cool of the morning, I get out into the beauty of nature, and find stress relief through exercise, while being soothed by the lush green wilderness bordering our neighborhood park. I needed the endorphins and the spiritual connection badly after being mired in a fiery battle last week.   After a time of release and recovery, of refocus and refreshing,  today I am:    Grateful- for cool weather for my morning run/walk, and a new week with a fresh start.  Prayerful- that the week ahead will bring me to a place of g...

It took me by surprise, stunned me really. I was sharing my struggles and a dear sweet soul Thanked me for Not Being Perfect . Sometimes it's hard to find words.  To this moment all I can come up with is: Wow. I mean really... WOW. Sometimes I say, "I don't have to be perfect, because Jesus already was." And I believe it, much of the time. Comfort myself with it when I have lost control of my mouth after 8 hours with a Stubborn Teenager Who Does Not Want to Study For Finals and Goes Into the Bathroom to Hide- (for the umpteenth time). I mean, really. Who can be perfect in the face of such madness? In this season my primary ministry is my family, and this is where self-criticism strikes deepest. One of my sons struggles with a number of health issues, including depression. The fall of 2014 was particularly traumatic for us as a family as we desperately sought how to help him. Part of my own process was battling guilt. Guilt over how stressed and anxious a...