In the Chaos.... and In the Calm

When life throws a curve ball, it is natural to be overwhelmed with emotions. This time, it was not a trip to the hospital or a 911 call, but for a mother's heart, it was just as urgent. News came of a life altering development; a decision now required to move forward. As parents, we all want what is best for our children, and I found myself grasping for information, desperately seeking knowledge to help direct the course of my son's education.  A meeting has been called to discuss the changes, and now all that is left is to wait. I have a lot of questions, but the one that weighs deepest on my heart is this: What is best for my child?  I reached out to other parents in an attempt to glean information, initiating conversation through social media. Many of us are upset, confused;  emotions ignited by the pressure of choices to be made. As I shared my own fears, the voice of a friend caught my attention. A simple reminder of the power of prayer... and my perspective shift...

Sometimes life does not line up with our expectations. God himself is above and beyond anything that we, in our finite existence, can imagine- and sometimes we wonder at his ways, even his motives. His own son defied the expectations of the most devout, particularly the pharisees. This religious movement was made up of lay people, not priests- average, everyday citizens that were deeply committed to the Hebrew scriptures and traditions. They were waiting for a Rescuer, one who would free them from Roman oppression. It was a dangerous and volatile world they lived in, and they coped by clinging to the law. They believed that the Messiah would not come until the Jewish community cleaned up their act, casting off all tolerance of sin. Their hearts were tuned towards a return to the Hebraic law, and they hoped that if they could just get the sinners to change their ways, then God would send the One who would free them. Then Jesus came, proclaiming forgiveness, touching the unclean, heal...

I'm learning that what I allow to linger in my mind takes root and shapes my attitude, my decisions, even my daily life. I want to pursue what is true and right and noble and pure, yet I find myself distracted by murmurings within. Distortion of truth can be almost indiscernible if lies oppress long enough. Allegations can be mistaken for authenticity. Words can become weapons, as self-reproach and derision pummel away at the inner life- the true life that makes up who I really am, behind the mask. It's a struggle, this truth seeking. Reckless words spoken by loved ones in jest or anger can worm into the tender places of my soul, becoming daily poison, marking the deepest corners of my identity. And the enemy uses these words to pierce my mind with accusation, guilt, and self loathing. Every evil that has come against me originated with the enemy of my soul. So, yes, he knows my fragile places and still schemes to deliver subtle but annihilating blows. Yet there is r...