tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76619609429946917052024-03-13T12:17:00.981-07:00In the Chaos.... and In the CalmThis is my story. A story of struggle, a story of peace. A story of learning to live into greater peace in the chaos and in the calm. Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-52779179421582780502022-07-20T20:38:00.001-07:002022-07-21T09:27:10.447-07:00Beauty For Ashes <p> God's timing is perfect. Even when we are broken. Even when our whole world is falling apart. Even when we are on the floor weeping and wailing and crying out in anguish. </p><p>Before we even glimpse our healing, God is already behind the scenes working. Preparing the Way for us. Providing for needs we did not even know we had.</p><p>Little did I know when I was sobbing on the hard, cold bathroom floor, <b>God was moving.</b> He was preparing something so beautiful... something beyond what I could have imagined. </p><p style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Psalm 30:11-12 says, </span></p><p style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em;"><b><i>You turned my wailing into dancing, </i></b><b><i>You removed my garments of mourning, and clothed me with joy,</i></b><b><i> that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever. </i></b></p><p style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Voice version says: </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>You turned my deepest pains into joyful dancing!</b></span></p><p>When God told me, "It's time to cease mourning and get up and dance", He knew the gift that was on the horizon. Not that the grieving process is irrevocably over, but there was a reframing that was necessary to transform a story of brokenness into a story of becoming whole. </p><p>When we seize the chance to dance, we find joy and peace. And when we have joy and peace, we attract others who have joy and peace in their lives too. </p><p>Beauty for ashes. It's real. It's true. Its better than we can imagine. Beyond our wildest dreams. đź’•</p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-11724541334852452692022-06-06T09:25:00.008-07:002022-06-06T09:33:21.995-07:00God Is Able<p> Last night I attended a Presbytery service. It's a special time where multiple leaders take turns speaking a word of encouragement over people in attendance. </p><p>We all need encouragement at times. As I incubate, as I wait for God to guide me into what is next, I connect with that need to remind myself of what I already know. One of the words spoken last night really struck me, "<u>Shout to your fear, and preach to your doubt.</u>"</p><p><b>We need to make a habit to speak aloud the following truths.</b> <i>I invite you to do this with me, wherever you are, raise your voice and proclaim these promises from </i><b><i>Psalm 145:13.</i></b></p><p><b>I can take God at His word. </b></p><p><b>God keeps His promises. </b>#promisekeeper</p><p><b>God is faithful. </b></p><p><b>God's timing is perfect. </b>(Psalm 31:15, Ecclesiastes 3:1)</p><p><br /></p><p> When God says, "Wait" it's because He is working to line up all the resources, people, positions, and facets of everything He has <i><b>already planned</b></i> to do over and in and through us. </p><p>The waiting is <i><b>not </b></i>an accident. The waiting is not because He is putting us on the back burner. God is not taking a nap. </p><p>Shout this truth: <b>My Father in heaven has not forgotten about me. </b>(Shout it aloud! Preach to that doubt!)</p><p>Know this, if you are in a period of Divine Preparation: </p><p>God is <b>ACTIVE </b>in the waiting. He is working<i> </i><b><i>consistently</i>,</b> every moment, preparing the way, drawing together<b><i> all </i></b>that is necessary for His plans, and His purposes. Plans for hope, plans for provision, plans for His light to shine as we walk where He leads. </p><p><b>Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, is </b><b>fully able </b>to do exceedingly, abundantly above <b><i>all</i></b> we could ask, or imagine, or ever think up in our wildest of dreams. (Ephesians 3:20) </p><p><br /></p><p><u style="font-size: large;">Speak this aloud:</u><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><p><b>My God will establish me. </b>(Romans 16:25, Proverbs 16:9) </p><p><b>My God will care for ALL my needs. </b>(Matthew 6:26-27)</p><p><b>My God is faithful. </b>(Lots of verses. Look them up!) </p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Psalm 89:8 says: Who is like You, Lord God Almighty, You, Lord, are Mighty</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And your faithfulness surrounds you!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p>Wherever you are, whatever is happening in your life- <i>or NOT happening</i>- know that God is working. <b><i>Wait in expectation. </i></b>Thank Him in advance because you KNOW He is going to do more than you can ask or imagine. </p><p>Ask Him to direct you, and Trust HIS ways (even if what He tells you to do sounds crazy). HIS plans are so much more creative and beautiful than our plans ever could be. His ways are perfect. </p><p>And know this: </p><p><b>When you walk where GOD directs, you can move in the confidence that you are walking in accordance with the ABSOLUTE BEST that He has for you. Because He loves you, and He is a good, good Father. </b></p><p><b>~~~</b></p><p> </p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-56926967089684235912022-05-23T08:35:00.007-07:002022-05-23T08:37:29.359-07:00Incubating<p>When you meet new people, there are always the getting to know you questions. Where do you live? What do you do? How do you spend your days? </p><p> I've been telling people I'm in a "transitional season." I'm waiting for God to show me what is next. I share that I'm grateful for His provision so I can catch my breath and rebuild. </p><p>Last night God asked me to reframe how I've been defining this season. To look through the lens of Divine preparation rather than the mindset of "transition". </p><p> People keep asking me- "What do you want to do with your life?" But the question I'm choosing to ask is, "God, what do YOU want to do with my life? What do you want to do in and through me?"</p><p>I'm open to anything. Honestly, I hope that He won't send me back into the public school system. I'd like to be connected with some sort of ministry. My heart is to serve Him. But I know that anything I can think up falls way short of His amazing plans for me. And I know that just as He has provided all I need for today, I can trust Him with all my tomorrows, too. </p><p>He keeps telling me, "I'll know it when I see it." That "delay is not denial" because our lives are so divinely linked to others and it takes time for Him to line up all the moving pieces and prepare every heart for His plans and purposes. </p><p>And so I wait. Expectantly. Incubating in His light and love. And today I choose to thank Him for what He's going to do. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I do know that it is going to be good. </p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-74269470083019833802022-03-08T13:26:00.018-08:002022-03-22T16:27:43.542-07:00Edges and Soul<p>John Legend sings a beautiful ballad, "All of me, loves all of you." Listening to this song can be a spiritual experience. The piano cords are otherworldly. The vocals are simple, yet exquisite, and the words speak of a love that encircles every imperfection and yet, still chooses to love. </p><p>Have you ever known a love like that? </p><p>A love that stays constant while recognizing and accepting "all your curves and all your edges"? Ya'll, I've got some edges. And the only One I know that loves like that is Jesus. #neveralone</p><p>I'm in a season of change and untethering. I have no idea what the future holds. The only stability in my life is God himself. Living in the unknown presses my edges to the surface. I'm far from perfect, but I am holding tight to the only One that has a clue what is coming down the road. So this song has become a worship experience for me. Maybe it's crazy, but when I hear this song, I can feel the Holy Spirit singing some of the lyrics over me. </p><p><i>"Even when I lose, I'm winning." </i> Sometimes freedom is borne out of loss. There is an unlearning of the old and a consciousness of being open to the new. </p><p>Part of "The New" is a conscious slowing down. Being slower to speak, and listening more. In my bible reading today I was asked to intentionally observe <b>Hebrews 4:12. </b></p><p><b>The Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow. It judges the thoughts and intents of the heart. </b></p><p>I've heard this verse since I was a little girl in AWANA's (a Bible Memory Club). But instead of grasping previous learning about this verse, I took some time to ruminate. To be "a noticer". And what caught my attention was the concept that God's word "<b>penetrates between soul and spirit." </b></p><p><i>Soul </i>is one of those religiously loaded words. It's thrown around a lot, but who can quantify what it really means? In The Orthodox Jewish Bible soul is "nephesh" (in the original Hebrew). This means: "the inner being, the very essence of a person." Soul includes our thoughts, desires, our heart, our inner appetites (what we long for). Soul is the very essence of WHO we are. The same Hebrew word, Nephesh, is used in<b> Deuteronomy 6:5 </b>(which Jesus quotes in <b>Luke 10:27</b>). </p><p><b>Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength. </b></p><p>This command is the opening lines of the Sh'ma, a daily prayer devout Hebrews recite when they wake, and again before they go to bed. This verse was intended to help God's people focus ALL of who they are on God. The complete Jewish Bible puts Deuteronomy 6:5 this way: </p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia;">Love <i>Adonai</i> with all your heart, and all your being, </span></b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia;">and all your resources." </span></b></p><p> This includes how we think, feel, talk, act, relate to others (and ourselves)-- even our self awareness. Yet, in order to really love God like that, we need to connect to His love for us. </p><p><b>Have you ever encountered God's unconditional and complete love? </b></p><p>I have. Years ago, when I was left alone with two young boys that both had medical diagnoses and sensory issues. I had no idea how to cope with being a geographically single mom (in a new city) and I was devastated to find myself as the wife of a chaplain who had turned away from God. Due to his emotional volatility, I was considering leaving. This was <b><i>not</i></b> the acceptable thing to do in Christian culture. I was feeling heartbroken, guilty, and very, very afraid. I found myself on my face before God, crying out for help. And then....</p><p> As I wept and prayed, I was filled with an incomparable <i>peace</i>. I felt Light and Love, and I experienced complete and total acceptance of who I was, and where I was. <b>There was no judgement. </b>Only unconditional love. I had the sense that no matter what I chose, God would love me and carry me through. </p><p>That, my friends, is grace freely given. We don't have to earn it. There is nothing you or I could do to disqualify us from the all covering grace of God. </p><p>This encounter changed how I saw my Father God... and how I saw myself in relation to Him. <b>My circumstances were still deeply painful, but I understood for the first time in my life that I was truly accepted, no matter what happened to me, and regardless of my own decisions and short comings. </b></p><p>Now, I find myself in another unexpected season of change. And I am reminded over and over of God's unconditional love and acceptance. His love transforms how I see my current situation. When I remember that encounter, I reconnect to His overwhelming peace.<b> I understand that no matter what I am going through, I am fully accepted where I am, as I am. </b></p><p>God will love me through this season, too. And as I connect with Love that covers all, I find that it comes natural to love Adonai with all my being. This kind of soul love does take some work. I have to take my focus off of how others have mistreated or misunderstood me. I have to turn away from the lies of the enemy, and embrace unending, all covering grace. </p><p><b>Do you find yourself having overcome or re-frame something in yourself in order to nestle deeply into God's love? </b></p><p>Me too. But I find that as I lay down my insecurities, I am able to find His wholeness covering my broken places, filling them in and filling me up... as I open myself up to his His unconditional love. </p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-61825311858344798272022-02-16T11:14:00.022-08:002022-05-16T20:05:50.978-07:00The Big Why, Part Two <p> Do you ever ask God, "Why?" </p><p>I'd like to say I haven't, but ya'll, the truth is that yes, I have. A few weeks ago my husband asked for a divorce. </p><p>I was shocked. I never in a million years thought this would happen to me. I was careful in who I chose to get serious with. I purposefully waited until I felt God had given his stamp of approval on the relationship. I chose someone who not only shared my faith but also actively served God and was dedicated to him. I did everything I knew to do to be sure and choose "the right person"... But the truth is nobody ever thinks this will happen to them. Most people who say "I do" intend it to be forever. And very few people see this sort of thing coming. </p><p>So why do these things happen? </p><p>I don't know the full answer, but I can tell you some truths: </p><p>Truth #1: </p><p>I grew immensely through the friendships and mentorships God connected me with while married to an army chaplain. I got to participate in an inner healing study that freed me from some unhealthy behaviors and beliefs I'd long had-- and later God used that study to help others I met along the way. And in addition to the lovely people who helped me grow, God allowed me to be a part of helping other hurting souls along the way. I would not be who I am today if I had not married my husband. I would not have my two beautiful boys either- and I would not trade them for the world! </p><p><br /></p><p>Truth # 2 </p><p>God does not control, He invites. </p><p>The question we often ask is "Why didn't God stop this from happening?" I'm learning that the answer is that God does not dominate us or force us to come to Him, He stands at the door and lovingly knocks. </p><p> People often say, "God is in control" but that's not how God works. God does not control, He invites. He allows free will, even if it is not what He would choose for us. People are quick to blame God for their problems but the truth is the fingerprints left behind are very often the enemy's, or our own-- not God's. </p><p>Truth #3 </p><p> God DID protect me. He prepared me for this, provided ahead of time what I would need-- including those who are walking with me through the fire. </p><p>There are many storms in this life because we live in an imperfect world. God does not protect us from the storms, but He promises to be with us in them, never forcing, only inviting. He holds me, helps me, carries me through. He rescues me from me, and He heals the wounds others inflict... as I allow Him to. As I seek Godly counsel and connect with people who love Jesus and are trained to help me, I am finding healing. </p><p>Despite all that has happened, I'm finding healing, already. I'm going to be OK because I am not alone in this. My Jesus is with me!! He's holding me through the storm. He is my healer, the lover of my soul, the only One who embodies love. Jesus is my everything, and He never fails to give beauty for ashes. I trust him to guide me to a place of wellness and wholeness and I know He will provide for every need along the way. </p><p><br /></p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-77759164145229314092021-03-14T19:17:00.004-07:002021-03-14T19:23:20.284-07:00That time When God Told Elijah to take a Nap <p>Ya'll, it's been a rough few months. Heck, it's been a rough year. It's the anniversary of the week when COVID-19 brought unprecedented changes. Many lost their jobs as businesses closed and the economy suffered. I was in that number. My family has been fortunate... just before the COVID assistance stopped, a door opened to teaching position, and I found myself going back to public school after 20 years. #thingsIneverthoughtwouldhappen #theOnlydoor</p><p>I've heard it said that "There is no tired like Teacher Tired." After 5 months of long hours and multiple huge projects piled on all at once (plus a steep learning curve in a new grade level) I can attest that this is truth. I have not felt this tired since the year that my oldest son spent months in and out of the hospital on a monthly and weekly basis. </p><p>There is an exhaustion that goes beyond the physical and seeps into the very psyche. All of who I am, physically, emotionally, and spiritually has been exceptionally worn down. I am beyond bone weary. The best way I can describe the state of my spirit, soul, and body by the beginning of Spring Break, was "debilitated". </p><p>Add in a personal loss, and my ongoing struggle with whether this path was really God's plan for me, and the emotional ramifications of this entire season have left me decimated. Empty and debilitated. </p><p> Do I have a severe case of Caregiver's Fatigue? Absolutely. I wanted to do some self care, but did not have the strength to imagine what that would entail. Can you relate? If so, you are not alone. </p><p>In addition to the many teachers and other professionals who are feeling depleted and empty, the prophet Elijah experienced his own great deluge, and was on the verge of an emotional break down. </p><p>"I'm finished, Eternal One" Elijah pleaded in 1 Kings 19:4. (The Voice Version) "I'm no better than my ancestors who are already dead." This was the ancient precursor to "Jesus, take me now." The Complete Jewish Version says, "Enough." After pleading with Adonai to end his life, Elijah fell into an exhausted sleep. </p><p>The prophet of God had just experienced an incredible victory, which had required an enormous amount of physical and emotional work. After an mammoth endeavor to rid his land of Baal worship--part of which involved child sacrifice- God had granted victory over the false prophets. Elijah's part had included a great deal of physical labor along the way. </p><p>Elijah had journeyed and rallied, and dug ditches and lifted heavy stones, killed a big bull and chopped it up, and worked and fought and rallied the Israelites-- and he had to have been physically and emotionally exhausted by the end of it. Elijah's hard work was rewarded when God lit a fire over a soaking wet sacrifice--miraculously, which would have been a huge emotional high.</p><p> After Elijah did an enormous amount of manual labor and experienced a passionate and fiery victory, "he pulled his garment up around his thighs and SPRINTED" down a mountain. A MOUNTAIN ya'll. </p><p>Elijah ran from the peak of Mount Carmel all the way to the city of Jezreel- running at a pace that beat King Ahab and a whole chariot of horses. Most biblical scholars believe that the distance was around 17 miles. Again, God worked a miracle, gave Elijah the strength, and the prophet beat the King AND HIS HORSES down the mountain. </p><p>So, simply put, after a day of substantial physical labor and the emotional high brought on by multiple miraculous victories--if any one was tired and needed a rest in spirit, soul and body, it would have been Elijah. </p><p>Yet instead of having a well earned rest, Elijah had to flee for his life because Queen Jezebel flew into a rage and ordered Elijah's execution. Instead of a triumphal celebration and a good night's sleep, Elijah was forced back on the road again. He traveled the length of Israel in one day. Once he arrived at the southern point of Judah, he sought some much needed solitude. "He journeyed into the desert", spent the day there, and rested beneath a broom tree. <b>It appears that the prophet was so tired, and had so many pent up emotions that he had not had a chance to work through, that he simply could not rest. He was emotional and overtired. Ever been there? </b> </p><p>Under the broom tree, Elijah began to process his emotions and deal with his exhaustion. He sat down under the tree and said, the equivalent of "God I want to die. Take me now. I'm done. Enough already." </p><p>After he had released some of those enormous emotions, Elijah was finally able to sleep. </p><p>He woke to the Angel of God, who gave him food and said, <b>"Eat. The journey is too much for you."</b> Oh, the mercy of God, who gives us permission to have human frailty. <b>Permission to have needs and care for those needs. It's not always about everyone else. We each have needs of our own and Jehovah Jireh says, "Darling, you are tired and worn. Have a rest and some nutrition. </b>You've taken care of SO many others, now let's take care of you." And I breathe a huge sigh of relief. It's OK to rest. It's OK to not spend Spring Break getting caught up on all that virtual data entry. It's OK to be human and need some sleep. Sometimes, I say, "Enough." and God says, "Yes. Enough. Now get some sleep." </p><p><b>Nutrition and a nap- God's prescription for recovery from a whole lotta work and a whole lotta stress. </b></p><p>Twice, Elijah was instructed by God to sleep and eat. Then, he was rested and revived enough to take another journey. And guess what he did at the end of his journey? He crawled into a cave and he slept. <b>Each time, God gave the prophet what he needed to make it through the hard places in his journeys. Permission to grieve. Permission to work through All. The. Feels. Permission to process emotions and vent and get some sleep and have some nutritional needs cared for. </b></p><p>God also reminded Elijah that he was not alone. After Elijah was rested, God spoke in a still small voice, and then showed him the others who would walk with him through the rest of the struggle. </p><p>Ya'll, I am in a Wilderness Time. I am worn out all the time. I am stretched to the end of what I think I can do. I am "pressed but not crushed..." though some days the work load does feel crushing. Still, I am not abandoned. Some how, some way, God always seems to provide <i>Just Enough</i> time and energy to do what is required. Yes, it is too much. No, I cannot do it on my own. But the reality is, I don't have to do it on my own.</p><p>Because Yahweh is the God of the Wilderness, and he knows that in every wilderness season what we need most is emotional release (a time to vent), some rest (and good old fashioned sleep), and time to refresh and be nourished in spirit, soul, and body. This week, the gift has been that rest. </p><p>Am I ready to go back... almost. But I know that even if I am never quite ready, God is... and he is faithful to grant strength for the journey and rest when I need it most. </p><p>~ Just Me </p><p><br /></p>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-30360250799978983402020-05-25T11:03:00.001-07:002020-08-02T18:07:21.658-07:00The Big WhyA loved one asked me recently, "Why did God cause this to happen? What lesson are we supposed to learn?" The context, of course, was the COVID-19 Quarantine.<br />
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Here's the thing:<br />
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I don't believe God <i>caused</i> this to happen. Just like I don't believe God "gave " my oldest son Type 1 Diabetes at the age of four, or depression and anxiety at the age of 16. I don't believe God "caused" my husband to have PTSD or my other son to have a sensory disorder due to birth trauma (God did not cause the birth trauma either).<br />
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God caused <i><b>none</b></i> of this.<br />
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My loved one replied to my assertion, "But He allowed it. He's got to want us to learn something from it."<br />
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The underlying question is: <i>Why does God allow suffering?</i> And one of the big myths of the Christian faith is "so that we can learn something from it". Now, before you get overly excited about me calling this a myth, just take a moment to breathe and "Listen to UNDERSTAND what I mean, not simply to argue or dismiss." <b>I don't mean that there's not an opportunity here to learn something.</b> Quite the contrary. <b>What I do mean is that God did not "cause" this to manipulate us into learning something. That is not how the Lover of our Souls works.</b><br />
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Many who ask that "why" question live insulated from the kinds of suffering that people in other parts of the world take for granted. Suffering is not new. We know this on some level, even if we don't think about it often. In fact sometimes guilt over how good we've got it is used to divert our attention away from processing the very real difficulties in life. So that's not the point either.<br />
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Quarantine is HARD. Re-opening a country so our economy avoids a depression level nose dive is daunting. People keep talking about "going back to normal" but there will not be a "normal" for some time. Maybe a "New Normal", but there has been SO much change, and it's been very hard on all of us.<br />
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Most people are grieving the changes and missing our pre-quarantine way of life. We need to give ourselves space to work through the hardship. Yet we must balance this knowledge with the fact that the 2020 COVID-19 quarantine is not the first time a "plague" or pandemic has been experienced.<br />
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Suffering has been around since the beginning of time. There's a series on Amazon called "How Climate Changed History." Every single disaster had people thinking the end of the world had come- many pleading for "the gods" to take them and relieve them of their suffering. Suffering and grief are not unique to our generation or this particular season.<br />
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Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch woman whose family hid Jewish people and others targeted by the Nazi's in their home during World War II. They saved many. Then, her family was betrayed, most of them arrested, and several family members died while imprisoned by the Nazis. Corrie and her sister endured the horrors of emotional and physical torment and near starvation in a Nazi Concentration camp. Corrie's beloved sister Betsy died in Ravensbruck, but not before planning with Corrie to create a place for healing after the war.<br />
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Shortly after her sister's death, at the age of 52, Corrie was released-- just before all the women her age were sent to the gas chambers. After some much needed time to heal and physically recover, Corrie ten Boom began a ministry that started in her homeland and spread all over the world. As I young teen I devoured every book I could find written by or about her. <b>I was fascinated by this woman who had lost literally everything and yet still loved and trusted God. A woman who had forgiven the very people who had tortured her and her beloved sister. Remarkable. </b><br />
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When she visited America in the 80s, Corrie Ten Boom was struck by our lack of understanding of suffering. She noted that when suffering or loss occurs, Americans tended to blame God.<br />
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Corrie Ten Boom said that in other places around the world, toil and suffering was so much a part of the normal landscape that people did not have the mindset that God had "caused" or "allowed" suffering. They simply accepted suffering as a part of life. <b>Suffering is intertwined with being alive. </b>There is no "question" of God's intent for allowing it. In many countries, and many cultures, even in the 21st century, suffering simply <i>is. </i><br />
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Corrie Ten Boom believed, <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "open sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">“There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still." </span><br />
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You see, it is not a question of "Why?", or "What we are supposed to learn?" <b>Suffering exists because we live in an imperfect world. </b>That's the answer to The Big Why.<br />
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What is the opportunity for learning? Well, I think it has a lot to do with re-framing. <b>When we accept that there's not so much "a lesson", but rather <i>an invitation</i>, we will find what we are seeking. </b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You see, contrary to popular belief, God does not control. He <i>invites.</i></span></b><br />
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<b> <u>God invites us</u> to invite Him into our experience. God promises not to <i>eliminate</i> suffering, but to walk with us through it. </b>God will hold us as close as we allow and provide what we need most in our deepest, darkest pits. <b><u>Suffering will come in this life. </u></b>Yet the answer is that we do not have to be alone in our suffering.<br />
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In <u>God Calling</u> by A.J. Russel, two "listeners" heard that we don't have to beg or plead for His presence because "our need is His call". We don't have to be "worthy" or "strong" or even "holy" for God to walk with us. We need only to be <i><b>willing</b></i>.Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-58519547542936001142020-04-08T13:25:00.000-07:002020-05-06T08:27:53.347-07:00Why Quarantine is SO HardWho knew that laying around doing nothing would be so exhausting?<br />
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Ok, so there ARE a lot of us are who are not laying around doing nothing. A lot of us are trying to work from home while managing the stressors of Virtual Schooling. A lot of us are finding that our usual ways of coping with life have been taken away. Shut down. Removed-- and we are grieving a nationwide change in how we go about just Living Life.</div>
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If I've never mentioned it before, I've had a whole lot of counseling. Since my husband came home from Iraq with PTSD we have had individual counseling, marriage counseling, and family counseling. After my oldest son's diagnosis of depression and anxiety we also had crisis counseling. </div>
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The short version of 10 years of counseling? Grief is not only assigned to the loss of a loved one. Losing someone we love is only one kind of grief. Humans have the capacity to grieve many situations: </div>
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The loss of a relationship. </div>
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The loss of a way of life. </div>
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The Loss of a job.</div>
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The Death of a dream, which can coincide with the next one: </div>
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A Life Altering Diagnosis</div>
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Does any of that ring a bell? </div>
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Let me point out that the list above names only a few types of grief, and there's also "secondary" grief when someone you love experiences any type of grief. </div>
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Why are we so stressed and exhausted? Because as a nation, as a world, we are grieving. </div>
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We are grieving a disease that leaves many feeling afraid and many feeling lonely. <b>We are grieving the loss of our way of life. </b>We are missing our friends, because Zoom is great, but it's NOT the same. You can't hug on Zoom, ya'll. We are shocked, and saddened, and tired, and sometimes bored because we can't experience the kinds of recreation we are used to, in order unwind and blow off steam-- AND we are really worn out from the stress of carrying all those emotions. </div>
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In a society used to a pace of busy-ness, there is now <i>ALL </i>this time, and a lot of stress. It's terribly hard on the psyche to suddenly, almost overnight, have the life you knew ripped away from you, and it's also incredibly difficult to not have an established end date for a return to normal. Unknowns are scary and change is hard. We are dealing with BOTH, and more, all at once. </div>
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So we grieve... and grief, well it's unpredictable. It's not a straight line. It can be cyclical, but it does not move in an orderly fashion along the circle. It jumps around like a thousand tiny jumping beans, sometimes making the person experiencing grief feel confused and even unhinged. When a griever moves back into a stage already experienced it can bring frustration- "I thought I dealt with that, and here it is again"- because it was dealt with, but needs to be worked through differently, or on a deeper level, or with some reframing of grief itself. </div>
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Everyone grieves differently. Even people with similar temperments or experience. What you need in a time of grief is unique to you and what I need in a time of grief is unique to me. My grief will not match up with yours. </div>
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For now, the best we can do is give a whole lot of grace to ourselves and others. We are doing the best we can in an unprecedented time in history. It is terribly difficult. We do what we have to in order to get through, and we must learn to gather grace when we can't gather together. </div>
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A little bit of kindness and grace will go a long way to offer some comfort to meet needs in a terribly difficult season. </div>
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Father God, </div>
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This season is difficult. It's difficult because: (list your challenges). </div>
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I give myself permission to feel what I feel, and I ask for your guidance in accepting and working through the grieving process, however that looks for me. </div>
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Help me to accept the way that others grieve when it looks different than my own grief.</div>
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Equip me show kindness and apologize when I fall short of perfection (because I will). Help me to forgive myself for my perceived shortcomings and shine your light over and in and through me. Guide me into Your peace that passes understanding. </div>
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Thank you for walking with me in a place where I don't know the path or exactly how to walk it. Guide me into a deeper understanding of the wellness you have for me, and teach me how to gather grace for myself and those around me. </div>
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Amen.</div>
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Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-31851463380186780062020-03-19T15:06:00.002-07:002020-05-06T08:39:25.125-07:00Unprecedented Times<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="8a7nb" data-offset-key="eaf7u-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ya'll, to quote my Pastor, Kim Poer, this situation is unprecedented. You are going to feel anxious. You re going to feel afraid, and overwrought, and even worn out. You just are.
<b>This does not mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means we are all in a season that is, again, unprecedented. </b>
I am getting ready to launch something new. There's a lot of unknowns, and simultaneously a lot of work to be done. Not "unprecedented" because others have done Virtual Schooling in the past. But certainly this is new to me.
My oldest son did online schooling (with me overseeing) during a year when he was in and out of the hospital constantly. So, I know how it works, but it is a totally different thing to set it up and create a Virtual Schooling opportunity from scratch.
I'd be tempted to think that I have to figure everything out myself, and DO IT ALL IMMEDIATELY but ya'll, that's just NOT true. <b>That is the enemy of my soul trying to overwhelm me and keep me from a new opportunity God has placed in my heart. </b>The enemy wants to<b> </b>keep me so bound up with fear and perfectionism and urgency that I can't accomplish what God has called me to. Seriously.
So...what is your enemy telling you? What lies is he shouting through the media or into your mind to rob you of the wholeness and wellness God intends for you?
Does your enemy say that you should be anxious and afraid because people are going nuts and hoarding basic supplies? That we are not safe because of COVID-19? That the precious offspring that you love is going to be the end of your sanity if you are stuck in the house with them </span></span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center; white-space: pre-wrap;">ONE. MORE. DAY...??? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>This is not a call to feel guilty if you've thought or felt these things. Guilt is of the enemy too. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Change is scary. Being stuck in your house with a whole passel of children (big or little) is stressful. Not being able to find basic items like toilet paper or milk is very frustrating. Having a medical condition or low immunity is an added risk. These are normal feelings. Now is the time to ask ourselves:
<b>What is the enemy saying to you to try to keep you bound up?</b> </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I say- "Be wise and be careful" but don't be a slave to fear.
Listen; this "New Opportunity" I'm spearheading holds a lot of unknowns. So does the future. But over and over, every single devotional I've read since this whole thing started says (over and over and over), "You are not alone in this. Listen. Pray. Come to Me. Let me help you through this. I know you are anxious but trust in my plan, and my provision. Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid... Pray at all times" and as a certain missionary in prison wrote, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". All things. Even survive without toilet paper. The writer of that assertion certainly did. His learning opportunity was "to be content" despite terrible circumstances.
I'm reading through God Calling, not chronologically by date, but jumping around a bit as the Spirit leads. The devotional was written by two anonymous women, roommates of a sort, who heard God speaking in their hearts when they gathered to pray. Two women who lived in extreme poverty, even destitution, and one of which battled continual sickness. They had both known gaping loss, deep pain, and one dealt with thoughts of suicide.
"Jesus. That is the name by which you conquer Not as cringing supplicants but as those recognizing a Friend. Say my Name-- Jesus."
And then... they began to pray and seek God. The devotional book grew out of their journey through another very difficult time in history- the early 1930s --remember the Great Depression? They began to seek God in prayer in 1932 and a little devotional I find incredibly compelling grew out of thier decision.
So what did these Journeyers who had little food, less resources, and many challenges hear?
From the December 31 reading-
<i>"Jesus is our deliverer! He saves us from ourselves. From our own worst fears. 'There is no other name by which you can be saved'- Jesus. Say it often. Claim the power it brings.'"
~God Calling</i>
When I was a stay at home mom, my boys knew I was at the end of my rope when I would say, under my breath, "Dear Jesus, help me!" The youngest once said to the eldest, "Mom's talking to Jesus again. We better go play in our rooms."
Another time, before a 5K on a frigid night, I got stuck in one of my MANY layers of exercise gear, while trying to get out of my vehicle. Without even realizing it I breathed out, "Dear Jesus, help me!" Half under my breath. Another 5K participant immediately came over and helped me get untangled. Embarrassed by my (albeit, quiet) outburst, I rushed to explain, "I was praying for God's help."
"He sent me," she said. Not what I was expecting.
Another devotional from God Calling contains this gem- "<i>Your need IS His call.</i>" He is there with us before we even ask. The calling is for our benefit, not His. The calling is the vehicle, the catalyst bringing about our choice to remember we are not alone and surrender to His helping.
From today's reading, March 18-
"<i>Listen, listen, I am your Lord. Before me there is none other. Just trust me in everything. Help is here all the time." </i>
In difficult times we have the opportunity to learn and grow, and the learning and growing we need the very most is how to create the habit of reaching out to our Loving Heavenly father who longs to pour out His provision, which very often is more of Himself over and in and through us."
So today, this moment, let us cry out- Jesus help us! He absolutely will, as we respond in obedience and allow Him to.
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<i>Dearest Father God,
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We pray for help in these unprecedented times. We pray for you to turn our eyes towards truth. We pray for reminders that we are not alone and You are here to help us through whatever challenges we face.
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<i>Let us see how you are reaching out for us even now. How you have provided for us. How you long to give us more of You to help us through.
We invite you in to this experience. Equip us for every challenge we face, especially the ones that leave us quaking in our boots. Show us the way forward and give us courage to try new things. Guide us every step of the way. May our plans be according to Your will and your way. Grant us understanding and courage, and Jesus, take the wheel.
Calm our hearts. Let us breathe out your name whenever we feel ourselves growing anxious. Teach us to recognize the lies of the enemy and speak Your truth out loud to chase away the lies. </i>
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Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-41335871274713093762020-03-14T07:29:00.000-07:002020-03-15T16:43:28.707-07:00When the World Spreads Fear, Be Still and KnowThe last few days have been a whirlwhind. This past year I transitioned from part time writer and teacher at a small preschool at my church, to taking on the position of Director of said preschool, as it incresed by leaps and bounds.<br />
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I thought I was busy before, juggling the various medical needs in my household and writing lesson plans for my preschoolers and the Biblical history themed Sunday School class I teach. Yet this new position brought a new meaning to "busy-ness"- rivalling only one season when we were in doctors offices and hospital rooms Every. Single. Day. For months on end, as all three of those I care for were receiving much needed therapies. We were blessed by the gift of this treatment, but the schedule was intense. </div>
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I've been busy before. So I know I can survive it, but sometimes... well sometimes, I just need to STOP being so busy and get still. I recharge by being quiet and alone, and I refill by seeking connection with God. I will confess that there has been way less time for that in this season, but I am working to schedule times to rest and recover, weekly. This time has to be both planned for, and carefully guarded, so I can get into the Word and refill.</div>
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One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 46:10. "Be still and know that I am God." I go to it often.</div>
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I like to use my Bible Gateway app to look up different versions of verses, as sometimes context is lost in translating from another language. The KJV and NIV versions I grew up memorizing are pretty straightforward. </div>
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The Voice version, my favorite translation because it is so very beautiful, says: </div>
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"Be still, <b style="font-style: italic;">be calm, </b><i><u>see</u>.</i>..</div>
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And understand that I am the True God. </div>
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I am honored among all the nations, </div>
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I am honored over all the earth." </div>
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Be calm, and <i>see.. </i></div>
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See what? See truth, I believe. <i><b>Understand </b></i>that the God who is loving and true cares for us, and we don't have to give in to fear. </div>
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Right now there is panic all over the U.S., and in other countries as well, due to the Corona Virus. People are wiping out grocery stores stockpiling food and toiletries as if the end of the world is nigh. </div>
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It's easy to get caught up in the state of frenzy, especially when you need toilet paper and a few weekly grocery items. Yesterday morning I got a bit frenzied myself, when I received word that the school district our preschool follows for "Emergencies, Bad Weather Days, and Health Advisories" was going to close for an additional week. Suddenly my last weekday of Spring break no longer offered a quiet morning to stay in my pajamas. I had a list of people to call and things to do a mile long. </div>
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In the middle of calls to my teachers, we got word that Sam's had toilet paper. My husband literally ran to change and headed up to grab a cart and the now precious commodity, even though he had to wait for me to meet him with the card so we could check out. </div>
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I changed out of my PJ's, did some very basic personal hygiene, grabbed the dry shapmpoo, and thanked God for the bluetooth option in my mini van. I fielded calls while searching the Sam's parking lot for a place to park. Meanwhile my son found toilet paper at Dollar Tree so I dashed over there to check out. Then BACK to Sam's where the lines were to the back of the store and the shelves were starting to look a bit scant. </div>
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One of the people I spoke to among the many calls I had to make said to me, "Take a deep breath." So I did. Then we got disconnected and I resumed my harried pace. After getting soaked to the skin (did I mention it was raining?), and while my husband headed back home, I sat in my car just to catch my breath. </div>
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WHEW! What a wirlwind. I had more to do, but something in me (the Holy Spirit) was silently urging me to take a minute. Re-center. Think straight for a bit. </div>
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The Complete Jewish Version of Psalm 46:10 is the (English) version that seeks to show us westerners what Jesus, as an eastern Hebrew and Aramaic speaking Jewish Rabbi would have known and discussed as he grew up in an ancient Jewish culture. It goes like this: </div>
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"Desist, and learn that I am God, </div>
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Supreme over the nations, </div>
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Supreme over the earth."</div>
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DESIST. It was as if the letters were in all caps. Let me tell you, despite everything calling for attention and a list as long as my arm of things to do, I desisted. </div>
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The context of this Psalm is a time of trouble and war. The meaning in the original context is "cease striving, and more specifically, stop fighting." To the people of God, this is a command "...snap out of it, stop fearing."*</div>
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It's easy to lose our head when the world around us seems full of uncertainty and the media is shouting messages of fear. We should be cautious, and we should be wise, but as people of God, sometimes we need to snap out of it. To turn off the TV, step away from social media, and get into the Word of God to find truth. </div>
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We have to turn off the "ambient noise" of the world, and step into a place of wisdom and the truth of God that casts out fear. The Psalms are a great place to start. </div>
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If we look back at Psalm 46:1-3 we see the Psalmist declare, </div>
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God is our refuge and strength, </div>
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An ever present Help in trouble. </div>
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Therefore we will not fear, </div>
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Thought the earth give way,</div>
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Though its waters roar and foam</div>
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And the mountains quake with their surging.</div>
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When the grocery store presents us with a mental battlefield, and the media is roaring and foaming, <b>we must go to battle against fear. </b>Proverbs 18:10 tells us that God is "our strong tower" and if we run to Him we will find safety. The Voice Version describes it like this, "The Eternal is known to be a sturdy watchtower, those who do right flee to Him for protection." </div>
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So if we turn off the fear flinging voices in the world, and open up the word of Truth, we do what is right, and healthy, and good for our souls. If we fill our mind with God's message of love to us, we can be equiped to battle fear with the Truth of God, that extinguishes the fiery darts of the enemy. (See Ephesians 6:10-18). </div>
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So, let's stop striving, let's DESIST. </div>
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Let's stop listening to the voices of urgency and fear. Let's be wise, and careful, but not obsess over the news or the current situation. Let's take time out from the whirlwind and find moments to connect with God--even those of us that can't always get to a quiet place, can seek him in the whirlwind. God is with us in the stormy and loud places too. </div>
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If you can get a bit of silence, seize that moment and fill it with the Voice of Truth. Be still, and be filled with the only One who can save us from ourselves. </div>
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Prayer: </div>
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J<i>ehovah shalom, the Lord our peace, send your strong arm to rescue us from fear, urgency and striving. When chaos roars, calm our hearts and minds, reminding us to rest in You. Make us well, make us whole, fill us up with your presence and equip us to battle fear. </i></div>
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<i>Turn our ears away from the lies of our enemy and towards your voice, the Voice of Truth.</i></div>
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Go with God, my friends, </div>
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<i>~Rebekah</i></div>
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*www.crosswalk.com, author: Liz Canoy</div>
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Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-37283996863013802002019-02-24T19:54:00.003-08:002019-07-22T09:02:25.799-07:00Grace Is Enough<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today’s learning centered on grace and kindness. In Sunday School we discussed denominational challenges. We talked about being kind to those we disagree with. Showing grace to people who are different. Holding firmly to our beliefs while not being mean- even if someone else is- particularly those we disagree with.<br /><br /><br /> Then the reminder in today’s sermon of Gandi’s experience with discrimination by Christians in Calcutta, which led to the following oft quoted words of the famous activist:<br /><br /><br /><b> “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ”. </b><br /><br /> To which I nodded, pondering the quandary of a word meaning “Christ-like” being applied to those who are, at times, very much unlike their Christ. <br /><br /><br /> How many have been hurt by church people? Those who sing about the love of God but don’t live it? And...How easy is it to point the finger at others and forget that I fall short, too! <br /><br /><br /> <br /> My own test came in unexpected ways...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">SO many congratulations and exultations given regarding an upcoming change in position. I was overwhelmed, then uncomfortable with all the attention, and then downright embarrassed. After a day full of blessings sent my way, in the evening I reacted in a way that I later regretted, after which I felt more embarrassed and also mortified over my behavior. <br /><br /><br /> I remembered a mentor of my husband’s saying, “Don’t pee on my flowers.” (Meaning to learn to accept compliments with grace.) A simple “thank you” would have sufficed but I got flustered and peed all over those flowers. Ugh. And then was filled with regret and anxiety. <br /><br /><br /> Until... I began to pray over my mistake, and my Healer reminded me that <b>Grace is for ME, too. </b><br /><br /> I’m not perfect (though I battle perfectionism). At times I am one of those Christians who is not acting like Christ.<br /><br /><br /> What did Jesus do when encountering those who fall short? Forgive!! Unfailingly. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” In the midst of His worst suffering He cried out for the forgiveness of His tormentors. <br /><br /><br /> It follows that I don’t have to crucify myself for my mistakes! I don’t have to (over) analyze why I reacted the way I did. At the end of the day, the truth is: there’s room for more personal growth. I can’t go back and “fix” it. I can be more gracious moving forward. I can give myself permission to accept compliments. <b>And I can give myself the same grace Jesus has already given when I fall short. </b><br /><br /><br /> When I have messed up and my flaws are showing through, grace is enough. <br /><br /><br /> My preschool class song is “Be kind to One Another.” </span><b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">I can be kind to myself, too.</b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I can stop playing the incident over and over, examining the why’s and how’s. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>I can embrace self care by refusing to give space in my mind to the “should haves”. </b>I can have a talk with Jesus, admit my mistakes and my feelings about them, and ask for the courage to look my messes in the eyes and say: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /><br /> It’s OK. I don’t have to be perfect. <b>Grace covers all.</b> <br /><br /><br />Grace is not just for the wrongs I see in the world, or in the church. Grace is for me, too. <br /><br /><br /> ~Just Me</span>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-86964826665679065502018-07-20T12:44:00.000-07:002019-03-10T18:51:21.306-07:00The Climb<br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I've said it several times in recent days; sometimes helping those
in need is challenging. Some wounds are so deep, so disturbing. Some needs are
So Big.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I remember a song from
childhood:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">My God is So Big<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So Strong and So Mighty<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There's Nothing My God<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Cannot do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">My class of 3 year
olds love to point at each other (and me) and holler the final phrase:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">FOR YOU!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is comfort in that long
held truth, though I know that moving forward towards healing is daunting for
some and others need a great deal of intervention to get free.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Setting foot on the path to
wellness sometimes requires help from outside ourselves. Yet God IS capable of
providing every resource needed. My role is to be the light- for there is only
ONE who is the healer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Perspective and self care is
imperative when faced with the overwhelming and nature is a balm when I am
troubled by what is beyond my scope.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Behind our neighborhood is an
undeveloped area, and I burn off stress as I exercise in places where I have a
clear view of trees and the hills beyond. I walk quickly, reciting Psalm 121:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I lift up my eyes to the
mountains—<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">where does my help come from?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">2 My help comes from the Lord,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">the Maker of heaven and earth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes I speak the refrain
over and over, until I can truly release and take a deep, cleansing breath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">My mindset in past seasons been
to see challenges as a mountain to be scaled. Once I reached the top of the
mountain, I thought, I would figure out how to find that magic formula for
balancing family life, ministry, work, and self care.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yet now, I see the goal is NOT
finding the formula to make all things right. The goal is to walk with Jesus
along the topsy turvy path.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I've been blessed to contribute
to a few book projects by <a href="http://www.jocelyngreen.com/books/nonfiction">Jocelyn Green</a>, the most
recent of which is a reminder that life is unruly: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Free-Lean-Making-Peace-Lopsided/dp/1627076786/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1532112642&sr=8-1&keywords=free+to+lean">Free
To Lean: Making Peace With Your Lopsided Life</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">A re-framing of my thought process
is often necessary. My mug from Jocelyn says, "God never asked us to do it
all."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Relief. I can let myself off
the hook. No perfection needed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I work to embrace climbing
the metaphorical mountain, the goal being moment by moment closeness with God.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">After all, I love a good hike.
My most recent mountain trek took me off the beaten trail, in the Alaskan
wilderness. I never did make it to the summit, yet I learned it's challenging
and exciting to make a new path- as long your Guide knows where you're going.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There may be steep inclines,
deep ditches of mud, and fallen trees. Places where I need help from outside
myself. Yet if my Guide is True, and Wise, and Loving, then I have all I need.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, when the climb is
treacherous, and the hurdles difficult, I look to my Source, who finds joy in
pouring all out that is needed, as I bring concerns to Him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Psalm 28:7 in the NIV and Voice
versions reflect the process:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Eternal is my Source, my
strength, and my shield in this chaotic world. Learning to release and rest in
Him gives Him freedom to draw me- and those I seek to help-- towards deeper
peace.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">~Just Me<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-66277181863111600232017-10-05T04:41:00.002-07:002017-10-05T04:41:45.343-07:00Help In the Darkest DaysHow are you doing today?" A simple question that can unleash struggles and trials and traumas beneath the surface.<br />
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I ask this question often, as there are those in my home who struggle with anxiety and depression. Sometimes the answer is, "Fine", when I know in my heart they are not fine- and I struggle, and pray, and wait until they are ready to share. Sometimes the answer is honest and heart wrenching all at once. And sometimes, the answer leads to an intense season of intervention, with support from those who are trained to help.<br />
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<b>It is heart wrenching to see one you love more than life struggle to stay present in it. </b></div>
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I can work off some of my own anxiety with the necessary medical response. Once an emergency doctor appointment has been scheduled, a counselor who is a good fit is found, and insurance approval has finally been given (after hours and days on the phone), there is a necessary stillness. A time to wait, and pray, and deal with my own feelings and emotions.<br />
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It takes courage to approach the fear. To confront it, rather than ignore it, or slap trite sayings over the top of it. <b>It can be hard and heavy work to go to battle for your own wellness. </b><br />
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Sometimes the hardest part is letting go. I can control (somewhat) when we see the doctor and who we see. I can work around the necessary insurance requirements, and oh, have I learned to jump through hoops! But what I cannot control is how one I love feels about themselves, their life, or their traumas.<br />
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Psalm 77:6 speaks of the struggle:<br />
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<i>I call to remembrance my song in the night, I commune with my own heart, and my spirit makes diligent search. </i><br />
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Sleepless nights, and anxious days can cause me to commune with my own heart, rather than diligently seek the One whose heart is for us. The first verses of this very same Psalm express where we can find sustenance for the hardest journeys:<br />
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<i>"I cry up to heaven, 'My God, True God, and He hears. </i><br />
<i>In my darkest days, I seek the Lord. </i><br />
<i>Through the night my hands are raised up, </i><br />
<i>stretched out, <b>waiting.</b>..</i><br />
<i>my soul is uneasy."</i><br />
(Psalm 77:1-2, The NKJV)<br />
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The NIV puts it this way: "at night I stretched out...[my] hands and I would not be comforted."<br />
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We have walked through dark seasons before, and I have prayed for rescue. When darkness strikes again, I feel so helpless. I cannot fix the one I love. I can only hold him while he falls apart and get him trained help-- once he is willing. The choice comes:<br />
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<b>Will I hold myself apart from my Healer, or will I be comforted by the Eternal? </b><br />
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When I finally release I can do healthy work:</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Praying and grieving-- releasing pent up stress through tears, </span></div>
Aproaching the altar to surrender what I cannot control,<br />
and<br />
Working through each and every fear, holding tight to God's promises!<br />
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<b>"Jesus will never leave you or forsake you."~ A. Marie Mitchell</b></div>
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<i><b><br /></b></i></div>
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<i> I do not have to be alone in this.</i> Yes, there are seasons of struggle, and yes, there is heartache, but my own Healer stands ready to hold me and carry me through. I might be able to survive this season in my own strength, <b>but I will never know peace until I lay down my pain and grab hold of the One whose heart is for my wholeness. </b><br />
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Psalm 23 tells us,<br />
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<i>The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. </i><br />
<i>He provides for every need, nourishing my body and my soul. </i><br />
<i>He soothes my fears and restores my soul. </i><br />
<i>Even in the unending shadows of death's darkness, </i><br />
<i>I do not have to be afraid, for He is with me. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Because You are with me, O Eternal, </i><br />
<i>Near with Your guidance and protection,</i><br />
<i>I am comforted. </i><br />
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(The Voice and NIV Translations)<br />
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Prayer:<br />
God, you are my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer (Ps. 18:2)<br />
I choose to cling to you.<br />
I pray you will deliver the ones I love from the lies of the enemy.<br />
Train my own heart to KNOW your Truth.<br />
Hold me close and comfort me in the dark days.<br />
Be my Source, my strength, and my Hope.<br />
<br />
Give us <b>Life and not death</b>, and wellness in spirit, soul, and body,<br />
Both now, and forever more.<br />
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<i>~Just Me</i><br />
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<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-65549217022267131062017-08-21T12:04:00.000-07:002017-08-21T12:05:26.720-07:00Truth, Love, and ListeningLast weekend, events in Charlottesville, Virginia proved that hate and prejudice have devastating consequences. We are making strides, but there is more work to do. Yesterday, our guest speaker at church, Travis Burdett, encouraged us to:<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Stand against hate and stand for<i> l</i>ove. </b><br />
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<b>To look within and identify our own prejudices- and let God change them. </b><br />
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He challenged us to spend some time with someone very different from us. Someone we would not normally speak to. Someone we might judge harshly if we did not take a moment to truly see and understand. He challenged us to have a conversation and Listen. <i>Really</i> listen. With an open mind and loving heart. He said,<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>"Listening is Revolutionary in a world where everyone is yelling at one another." </b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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Jesus himself was an avid listener- and all who encountered him were challenged. Many were transformed simply by encountering Living Grace. What would Jesus do in light of recent events? Well, take a look at what Jesus <i>actually did</i>.<br />
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<b><br /></b>
<b>Jesus taught: </b><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your strength and all your mind- and love your neighbor as yourself." </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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Then, Jesus defined "your neighbor" as a people that his own race saw as enemies. And<b> </b>Jesus did not just tell stories about showing kindness to your enemies. <b>He went into enemy territory himself and lived out love. </b></div>
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<b>Jesus taught his shocked and surprised followers to put aside prejudices and hatred that went back generations, and get to know the Samaritans. To minister to them and show love. </b><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Jesus bridged the gap of hatred, prejudice, fear, and racism. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b>Jesus also stood against evil.</b> He called evil out and named it. (Matthew 3:7 and Matthew 23:27 )<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">So what would Jesus have to say about last weekend's events?</u><b> </b><b>I think he'd speak against the evil that ran rampant and offer hope to those devastated and victimized. </b>(Check out Matthew 21:12-13 and notice how Jesus responded when salesmen were victimizing the poor, in God's house, no less.)<br />
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<b>So in the spirit of what Jesus would do, let's get this clear: </b><b>Carrying a flag associated with hatred and prejudice is evil.</b><br />
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<b>Spreading messages of racism, prejudice, oppression, or hatred is evil.</b><br />
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The Nazi Flag is a symbol of an evil man who brutally and horrifically slaughtered millions. His regime was demonic, as were his prejudiced beliefs.<br />
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<b>Jesus opposed such evil. He taught his followers to "love their enemies". He set the example of lavish love. </b><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
1 John 4:7-8 urges, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God, and everyone that loves is born of God, and knows God. He who does not love, does not know God. </i></div>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<b>God is the embodiment of love. Anyone who seeks to connect God to a message of hate does not have the truth of God in them. Prejudice is from the enemy of our souls and <u>not of God</u>. </b><br />
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So, in light of recent events, what can we do?<br />
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We can examine ourselves before God and resist falling for the subtler temptation of judging others by what they wear, how they live, or even, how they present themselves.<br />
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We can recognize that <b>God loves diversity, </b> and take the opportunity to learn from those who, from outer appearances, seem different from us.<br />
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We can throw out prejudices and be enriched by our differences.<br />
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In Psalm 27: 5 David, God's chosen King says, </div>
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The Eternal is<i> my light against my darkness</i>. </div>
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So whom shall I fear? </div>
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Oh, how we need God's light!! Especially in the face of darkness. <br />
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There are legitimate fears we must battle. It's natural to be afraid for loved ones and friends who may be persecuted. <b>Yet we overcome that hatred if we stand for truth. We, too, can<i> </i>be a light against darkness, if God's love is the spark that fuels. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<b>It's important to remember that our very saving comes through Jesus,whose race was among the labelled and targeted last weekend. </b><br />
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<b>Jesus--whose human heritage was Jewish. </b><b>Jesus, who was raised in a Jewish home and a Jewish culture. Jesus, who studied the Torah diligently, and lived and taught its principals. Jesus, whose goal was not to stamp out Judaism, but complete it.</b><br />
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<b>Jesus who was Jewish, in and out, through and through. The Savior of a broken world was, and is Jewish. We must remember what Jesus taught his disciples: </b><br />
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<b><br /></b>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">All races, all heritages, all peoples </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">are precious in God's sight. </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b> T</b><b>he antidote to hatred is the all covering Love of Jesus. He is our saving, day by day. From the darkness within and the darkness without. Let's work to spread awareness. Let's make a point to stand against hatred, while standing FOR love. </b><br />
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<b>Will you stand with me? </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-85195033897807978892017-04-10T11:55:00.000-07:002017-04-10T13:48:35.042-07:00Why Jesus Would Shop at Target <span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">I personally am of the opinion that Jesus would shop at Target. </span></span><br />
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">He'd be there encouraging Mamas with full hands, speaking words of kindness as they try to grab milk and eggs while wrestling fussy youngsters who are throwing fits because she did not buy them candy, or allow them to run amok in the toy aisle. He'd offer words to fill hearts, and a genuine understanding of the truth that parenting is hard and while Mamas may not "enjoy every moment" we do purpose to find moments to connect with the hearts of our children and enjoy who they are, and who they are becoming--even if they exhaust our ever lovin' patience at times (like when we are in Target). </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>Jesus would <span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">be taking time out for the older, lonely folks- He would help them reach the products they have a hard time getting to, and then he would walk WITH them for a good long while, <i>tarrying</i>. Knowing that He could be the only one all week to treat them with respect and truly listen to them, un-rushed, for as long as needed. </span></span><br />
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus would spend some of his time at Target talking to the young man that asks for handouts outside the location near the highway, seeking to heal his heart, save him from addictions, and probably giving him something to eat as well. <b>He'd be loving on those who are different, and building relationships with the hurting, the marginalized, the depressed, and the overlooked.</b> He'd make eye contact with those others don't tend to truly "see". He'd seek out the very people His followers often avoid. </span></span><br />
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus would also be mingling with the owners, whether or not He supported their every belief. He would understand that we human beings grow by learning from those who are very, very different from us, and He'd invite them into relationship- <b>because rules don't heal hearts, but relationship with our Healer truly does. </b></span></span><br />
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">My Jesus would be showing kindness to the store service clerks, who often get treated poorly--even by "christian" customers. He'd be patient if the cashier was slow to ring up the items He was buying (for the homeless teen outside) and He would make eye contact with that <i>person,</i> showing them with loving kindness that He really, really sees them- and not just as someone to wait on Him. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">My Jesus would comfort the cashier who just got reemed by an angry, impatient customer. <b>He'd help her unwind from the verbal attack, but he would not stop there.</b> He'd invite her to embrace <u>a life altering love</u> and <u>find meaning </u>in knowing His love daily- and showing it to others. Even the ones who are hardest to love. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus would give grace to the angry customer who just mistreated the poor clerk-- but he would most certainly invite him to understand the God sees temper flares the same way as He sees murder- only crushing the soul, rather than the body. (It is man who rates sin, not God.) </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Now, my Jesus would not just stay at Target, mind you. He'd make his way over to the bridge and chat with the homeless people (treating them with respect, and as real, flesh and blood <u><b>people</b></u>). He'd camp with them for the night, and then head over to the Women's Shelter and love on all the children torn from their homes in the middle of the night. <b>He'd comfort the women fleeing violence, showing them REAL love that does not harm, but heals. </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus would also head to the mall and chill with the teens. <b>He'd listen to their hearts-</b> he'd seek out the kids whose parents brush them off or don't get them, or even don't truly like them. My Jesus would lavish teenagers with time-- and Jesus would offer understanding to even the most misunderstood. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus would make his way to the churches and give some lessons like he gave the Pharisees, and the many others who followed Him carrying secret agendas and needs. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Lessons like: </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Love people more than laws (or power). </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Get to quiet places and talk to God. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Let God's healing into the deep, dark places in your lives (not just the "white washed" exteriors) </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Love unselfishly and remember you are not perfect either. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Most of all, Jesus would love people who struggle with identity and don't seem to fit in. Whether from being told, "You can't do that, you're a girl." or "Why can't you be more like 'xyz'..." Jesus would have tender compassion on the confused, the hurting, and on those who don't fit the proposed mold. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<b><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">Jesus gets it. He, himself was not what His tribe expected. </span></span></b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">So if you are confused or hurting, or struggling for acceptance just the way you are, you have a friend in Jesus. </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>He loves you as you are, </b></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>Accepts you UNCONDITIONALLY </b></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>And, with time and through those trained to help,</b></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>Jesus WILL heal every wound you allow him access to. </b></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">In the midst of all the complicated, confusing, and confounding issues in this world, I have found one thing to be certain, and that is the complete and unconditional love of Jesus. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">I am so glad we do not have to be perfect, because Jesus covers ALL. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<i><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>~Just Me</b></span></span></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-13129040876596866102016-09-11T16:52:00.000-07:002016-09-11T16:52:27.223-07:00Light Loss. It can come quietly, in expected waves, or suddenly, in a single blinding moment. It can leave debris scattered across city blocks, charred remains of ash and steel, blood and soul. <b>Some days we've never forgotten. </b><br />
<br />
"The grief does not go away," one victim whispered. Such loss. So much trauma. In the days that followed, shock and grief carved caverns which are unquantifiable. The families of the victims do not remember only today. They carry aching chasms, never again feeling quite whole. <br />
<br />
In times like these, the question comes: <i>Where is God when the unspeakable happens? </i><br />
<br />
Images seared in my mind, I offer up a question in response, <b>"Who would do such a thing?</b>"<b> It was my first coherent thought after the madness.</b> In the days that came, my husband packed his military gear, and I watched footage after work. Hope for survivors waned, and carnage evoked the reality of war come home. The question reeled- <i>"Who would do such a thing?" </i><br />
<br />
As the years have passed and I reflect on the horror, the shock of those moments, I am certain<b>-the attacks that took the lives of so many men and women, those acts do not bear the fingerprints of One who is only, and always love.</b> <b>No. Those are marks of the enemy, hateful slashes from the one who comes only to steal, kill and destroy. </b><br />
<br />
Yet in the face of such destruction, the evil in the hearts of the perpetrators could not rob us of our humanity.<br />
<br />
How many stories have I read of people who helped others? The heroes who ran into the fray, and the heroes who lent a helping hand to a stranger during evacuation. Many once separated by religion or status or busy-ness joined together in the wake of gaping loss to pray, light candles, and even sing, united in heart and in spirit. No evil can take that away. <br />
<br />
<br />
Standing among the debris, there was a cross that inspired many. Yet I see more than a cross. <b>I see love- shining through compassion, unity, and hope. There <i>was</i> light that day, amidst the choking ash. In the touch of a hand, in the hearts who helped, in the many who ministered to the souls digging through debris of heart and steel. </b><br />
<br />
Because we do not grieve as those without hope, I also see a pure and holy light streaming from "the vast Above", as Jesus gathered up souls and carried them to a place where there is no more pain, no more tears.<br />
<br />
There was much light on 9/11. More than our finite minds can grasp. And there is resounding hope, for while the grief does not fade away into nothingness, no act of hate can rob us of connection to Jehovah Rapha, our healer. <br />
<br />
<b>Where was God? God was there, every moment- and still is.</b> Inviting us to a place of greater wellness. Grief may be a life long companion, but our Comforter will be too, if we return the invitation and let Love in. (1 John 4:7-8)<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>~Just Me Mama </i><br />
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-83274626054363215882016-09-06T07:39:00.002-07:002016-09-06T07:39:57.361-07:00Recovery from Chaos<div data-contents="true">
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">Chaos exploded across my life last week- unexpected, though I try to be aware that there is more at work in this world than what I can see. In the mornings, in the moments of quiet, I am working to purposely chose to connect to the Voice of Truth, drawing me back from the brink. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">Sometimes I believe I am on my own in this journey, but Truth reminds me that, even when my help-mate is traveling, I am still not alone. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">In the cool of the morning, I get out into the beauty of nature, and find stress relief through exercise, while being soothed by the lush green wilderness bordering our neighborhood park. I needed the endorphins and the spiritual connection badly after being mired in a fiery battle last week. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">After a time of release and recovery, of refocus and refreshing, today I am: </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<b><span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">Grateful- for cool weather for my morning run/walk, and a new week with a fresh start. </span></span></b></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<b><span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">Prayerful- that the week ahead will bring me to a place of greater wellness. </span></span></b></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0">
<b><span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true">Mindful-that if chaos explodes across my life again this week there is Help,</span></span></b><span data-offset-key="7ugq9-0-0"><span data-text="true"> because:</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="e08n8-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="e08n8-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="e08n8-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="591jp-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="591jp-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="591jp-0-0"><span data-text="true">When the Eternal is my shepherd I lack nothing I truly need. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="ad03u-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ad03u-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="ad03u-0-0"><span data-text="true">The Eternal teaches me to REST and recover and Nourishes me in spirit, soul and body, as I draw near. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="4lfo5-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="4lfo5-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="4lfo5-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="5dpod-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5dpod-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="5dpod-0-0"><span data-text="true">The Eternal restores me- over and over,soothing my fears, making me whole- over and over again, as often as I need it!</span></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8a62v-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="8a62v-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="etb57-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="etb57-0-0"><span data-text="true">The Voice shows me the way, leading me to roads "where Truth echos His name." </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="f40a6-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="f40a6-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="f40a6-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="cedpt-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="cedpt-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="cedpt-0-0"><span data-text="true">Even in the shadow of death- life threatening illnesses, family members battling depression and self harm, and attacks from dark places, I will not be afraid, for You are with me, near with your protection and guidance. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="2aone-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="2aone-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="2aone-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="b14t6-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="b14t6-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="b14t6-0-0"><span data-text="true">When I am under attack, You provide for me, filling me up, protecting me, equipping me as I draw near to Your presence.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="5ml1c-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5ml1c-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="5ml1c-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ah35r-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="ah35r-0-0"><span data-text="true">Your faithful protection and Loving provision PURSUES me, - always, every where I go - no matter what. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="5aahr-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5aahr-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="5aahr-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6dicr" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="352ue-0-0"><span data-text="true">I choose to dwell in the Eternal for all of my days- every crazy moment, in the Chaos, and the calm. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="352ue-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="352ue-0-0"><span data-text="true">Psalm 23, paraphrased (but heavily influence by The Voice version) </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="352ue-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="352ue-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="352ue-0-0"><span data-text="true"><i>~Just Me</i></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-86487131714412622002016-01-13T07:45:00.002-08:002016-02-29T06:49:00.062-08:00You're WelcomeIt took me by surprise, stunned me really. I was sharing my struggles and a dear sweet soul <b>Thanked me for Not Being Perfect</b>.<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's hard to find words. To this moment all I can come up with is: Wow.<br />
<br />
I mean really... WOW.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I say, "I don't have to be perfect, because Jesus already was." And I believe it, much of the time. Comfort myself with it when I have lost control of my mouth <b><u>after 8 hours</u> </b>with a Stubborn Teenager Who Does Not Want to Study For Finals and Goes Into the Bathroom to Hide- (for the umpteenth time).<br />
<br />
I mean, really. Who can be perfect in the face of such madness?<br />
<br />
<b>In this season my primary ministry<i> is</i> my family, and this is where self-criticism strikes deepest.</b> One of my sons struggles with a number of health issues, including depression. The fall of 2014 was particularly traumatic for us as a family as we desperately sought how to help him. Part of my own process was battling guilt. Guilt over how stressed and anxious and cranky and unpleasant I was during a season when my husband was an ocean away in a war zone. Being shot at. Repeatedly. <br />
<br />
I was more than a hot mess. I was a train wreck. I held fear close, lost my temper way too much, and was my own definition of a bad mom. During the dark days of stumbling through treatment of my son's depression, the enemy of my soul relentlessly accused me: <i>this depression was my fault- because I was a bad mom when he was small. </i><br />
<br />
The enemy has a knack for taking a small grain and twisting it into a reckless tornado. <b>Dear Jesus, help me know the truth from a lie. </b><br />
<br />
I love my kids and one of my deepest longings has been to get this parenting thing right. But I am not perfect. Not by a long shot. While I have grown in patience over the years, and learned Where to release my fears, and WHO is my Source, I still have<i> those days.</i><br />
<br />
Of course I do, because none of us is even remotely close to perfect. We are flawed individuals rubbing up against each others' sandpaper, and trying to do<i> family</i> the best we know how. <b>If we get anything right, it would be that we four have learned The Power of The Apology. Perhaps this is the greatest contribution we will give to the world.</b><br />
<br />
"I am sorry I lost my temper over__ <i>(something that seemed relatively small to you)__. (Moving closer in relationship and sharing the load: </i>I am stressed and worried about _____________. Can we pray together?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So, <b>you' re welcome, </b> Dear Sweet Soul. I am not perfect. Thank YOU, for I can take a deep breath and reflect: </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
God does not expect me to be perfect. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Grace is enough. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I can let myself off the hook. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>~Just Me </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-16712787541602113792015-12-12T06:47:00.001-08:002016-02-29T09:54:52.929-08:00Messy But Good<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"> This time of year there's a lot of anxiety over expectations. Yours, mine, and numerous others. Perfect place settings and greeting cards peer at me through the messy places in my life and I have to remind myself that my journey is different. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Recently I've been encouraged by a number of hearts who also deal with different life situations. Though
our journeys are as diverse and varied as our challenges and joys, we all have places where life is not what we expected. There is a comfort in commonality; we remember we are not alone. That so much of our emotional response to difficult circumstances is strikingly normal- even when our lives are not. </span></span><br />
<br />
<b><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">I relate to feeling judged when people (strangers or not) criticize when they can't begin to know the depths of heartaches, needs, or diagnoses. </span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">I
want to get to the place where people's opinions don't matter so much
to me. I'd settle for getting to the place where their judgements don't
shake me so. Sometimes I have to talk myself down, pray through--striving to remember that no matter how I may disappoint the expectations of others,<b> I am not a disappointment to God. Not ever. No matter what. </b>He does not sit aloft flinging judgements at my broken or imperfect places. He accepts where I do things differently... in fact, he made me this way, and celebrates my individuality. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">I wish more people understood that there is One who is <i>always and only</i> a kind and generous judge-much more so than many of his people. <b>No expectations</b>, simply acceptance and unconditional love. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><b>I know my heart, and I know my flaws, and somehow the two
mingle together to create not just wh</b><b>o I
am, but who I'm becoming.</b> <b>God sees the promise</b>, even when I am mired in mess. My life is not a picture perfect painting, a Norman Rockwell scene, or a Thomas Kinkade portrait of light. Real life isn't, really. A life that is <i>real </i>is more like the disarray and chaos of the painter's studio. Blobs and blurs and tools scattered all around. A veritable riot of colors, broken <i>and </i>mending places mingled together. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TYiC1lnBDwI/VmwuJCTh-3I/AAAAAAAAASY/uHQc8r8inMU/s1600/Painter%2527s%2Bstudio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TYiC1lnBDwI/VmwuJCTh-3I/AAAAAAAAASY/uHQc8r8inMU/s320/Painter%2527s%2Bstudio.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">There is a necessary blending in every journey towards
greater wellness. An often painful smudging, a pressing, cutting,
<i>churning</i> force that is beyond the capacity of my Food Ninja. Sometimes
the whole thing spills over, oozing everywhere, chunky parts scattered
around. My youngest likes the chunky parts. He says,"It's what makes it good." </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">I
want to get to the place where I see the chunky parts not as a
necessary evil to be smashed out (or covered up), but a sweet and
messily delicious part of something good. Life is a process, not
a final destination. There's hope in knowing completion is not a requirement in this lifetime. Maybe my life is not a portrait of light, but the miracle is that it <i>can</i> be a conduit for it- especially in the messy, imperfect places. </span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><br /></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><i>~Just Me</i></span></span>Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-17912765885103579292015-11-14T04:34:00.002-08:002015-11-18T08:48:01.409-08:00I am ThankfulToday, I am thankful for Red Cups.<br />
<br />
They are a symbol that I am
blessed and live in a country where we are each free to believe and
celebrate in the way that is most meaningful to us each-without fear for
our lives.<br />
<br />
I am thankful for the many, many service members who
sacrifice tremendously to defend these freedoms. I am proud to call you
friend, and father, and husband, and cousin, and uncle... and Loved.<br />
<br />
I am grateful to those who gave all...<a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/gonebutnotforgotten?source=feed_text&story_id=10206944283982161"><span class="_58cl">‪#‎</span><span class="_58cm">gonebutnotforgotten‬</span></a><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
I am thankful for the family members of military service members that
sacrifice much as well-- especially to those who have supported me both
while my husband was deployed and in the years of recovery since then.
(Love you all bunches!!)<br />
<br />
I am grateful for a God who does not
control or manipulate, but rather invites- loving Unconditionally,
offering Acceptance of each individual's unique make up. <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/squarepegroundhole?source=feed_text&story_id=10206944283982161"><span class="_58cl">‪#‎</span><span class="_58cm">squarepegroundhole‬</span></a><br />
<br />
I am thankful for God's boundless love that crosses divides rather than creating them.<br />
<br />
I am grateful that this tenacious Lover of my Soul saved me, not just
when I walked an aisle and said a prayer, but day by day, saving me from
myself, from my anxiety and perfectionism and my tendency to over-do.<br />
<br />
I am thankful that my God values relationship over religion.<br />
<br />
I am thankful that I do not have to be perfect, because Jesus already was.<br />
<br />
I am thankful for Mint Chocolate chip hot chocolate (and Spring mix with
tomatoes and feta to balance it out), and for the freedom to post this
without fear for body or life. <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/freedomisntfree?source=feed_text&story_id=10206944283982161"><span class="_58cl">‪#‎</span><span class="_58cm">freedomisntfree‬</span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/grateful?source=feed_text&story_id=10206944283982161"><span class="_58cl">‪#‎</span><span class="_58cm">grateful‬</span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/thankfulandblessed?source=feed_text&story_id=10206944283982161"><span class="_58cl">‪#‎</span><span class="_58cm">thankfulandblessed‬</span></a><br />
</div>
I am thankful for a hubby who holds down the fort so I can relax and get a treat after a hectic and overwhelming day. <br /><br />I
am thankful for times to re-charge and recover from my many
responsibilities and I am thankful for all the love and support from my
beautiful friends and family members along this special needs
lifestyle!! <br />
<br />
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<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-496063215613754912015-09-13T21:15:00.000-07:002015-10-06T09:50:43.194-07:00God's Not DeadToday I watched <b>God's Not Dead.</b> A compelling plot. I loved the courage of the college student, the bravery of the young woman who left a domineering and abusive relationship, the unwavering faith of the missionary, whose joy was simply <i>contagious.</i> Most of all, I loved... well, I'll tell you a bit later. <br />
<br />
First, I have to confess that the conclusion was a bit neatly wrapped for my pragmatic sensibilities. Not everything was resolved (I know) and<b> I get why there is resolution in the main plot: </b>it's meant to encourage Christians to stand firm in faith, in the face of ridicule, abuse, even sacrifice. Still, I grapple with the realism quotient. <br />
<br />
We humans are problems solvers, so we long for resolution. Yet in <i>my</i> life, this is not a daily reality. <b>All is not finally and perfectly resolved. Life is unpredictable, even chaotic. </b><br />
<br />
If I can't have resolution, will I settle for assurance? Assurance that eventually, somehow<i> </i>everything is going to be alright? I used to pin my hopes on the idea that all will be resolved if I "stay faithful"- <b>until what I'd built my christian existence on evaporated, and my hopes for a nominal, <i>normal </i>christian life were shattered.</b><br />
<br />
The song says, <i>"Whatcha gonna do when the bottom falls out and you're left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold you? Who will hold you?</i>" (Francesca Battistelli, <i>Worth it</i>.)<br />
<br />
And here's the thing. The loss and the grief and the fear and the doubt are real, and at times, overwhelming. <i>But we are not left alone in them.</i> We are not left gaping, with hope only for an eternity in heaven. <b>When my tidy christian existence was swiftly and summarily incinerated, do you know what was left? The presence of God</b>. The chaff burned away; all those christian maxims and platitudes held no power, and the choice became: fall into the embrace of the One who is Hope, or hold him at arm's length. <b>I had nothing left to cling to but God, himself. He was enough... and still is. </b><br />
<br />
So what did I love most about this movie, God's Not Dead? The question: <i><b> </b></i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>Where do you find your hope? </b></i> </div>
<br />
<br />
I know where I find mine. I do not have all the answers to all of life's problems. I can't prove to anyone that God exists. What I can share is my experience:<br />
When my dreams were in tatters and I was at the end of myself, I cried out "Jesus help me!" and I found myself <i>cradled</i>.<br />
<br />
No judgement, no expectations, only unconditional acceptance and the purest, deepest Love I had ever known. God <b><i>is</i></b> where<i> </i>I find my hope. <br />
<br />
<i>~Just Me </i><br />
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-11344156080286430412015-09-11T07:01:00.003-07:002018-09-13T17:07:10.319-07:00Beauty From AshesMost Americans remember exactly where we were when we got the news. An attack- right here in the continental U.S. I was teaching in a private school, and the owner pulled me aside. Hushed tones conveyed a frantic message:<i> Today was like no other day.</i> Due to the attacks in New York and D.C., the Dallas Trade center was shutting down for the day, for the safety of it's employees. Businesses all around stopped mid stride. Some students might be picked up early, and some parents might be considerably delayed. <br />
<br />
I didn't see the footage until after work; unspeakable scenes exploding across my TV screen. Footage playing over, and over, and over... that which I could not quite process. People running... fireballs and smoke... one collapse, and another...debris mingled with trembling lives... scores of cars abandoned on bridges while their owners fled. <br />
<br />
How could this happen? Who would do such a thing? We were shocked and yet uncommonly united. Differences melted away, and human beings became people, rather than victims. So many stories of heroism and kindness rose from the midst of chaos. <br />
<br />
Two years ago my son's 9-11 homework assignment guided me towards contemplating <a href="http://justmemama.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-positive.html" target="_blank">'My Positive'</a> regarding 9-11. In 2012, I shared about <a href="http://justmemama.blogspot.com/2012/09/remembering.html" target="_blank">Remembering</a>...how our bodies store memories, not just in our minds, and the call to care for ourselves emotionally, as well as physically.<br />
<br />
Previously, I had the opportunity to share my process of coming to
terms with this tragedy in <u>Stories of Faith and Courage From the Home Front </u>by
Karen Whiting and Jocelyn Green (the October 24th reading). <br />
<br />
Each year an anniversary, each a different phase of processing and recovery. Anniversaries can mean celebration, or gaping loss. Today is an anniversary of the call to pray, to process, to connect with God amidst tragedy. <br />
<br />
Isaiah 61:3 tells us that God provides for those who grieve. The author is specifically referring to the destruction of a precious city; a city that, at the time of the writing, still lay in ruins.<br />
<br />
Many Americans have seen images of a war zone... can visualize a city in
ruins. Yet it was not simply a city that was affected, both then and now. There was much
loss, and hearts are still in process, some needing the touch
of our Healer to go <i>deeper still</i>.<br />
<br />
The good news? <span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-61-3" id="en-NIV-18847">Isaiah 61: 2b- 3 </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" id="en-NIV-18847">Declares that the spirit of the sovereign Lord</span><span class="text Isa-61-3" id="en-NIV-18847"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" id="en-NIV-18847">"<b>provide(s) for those who grieve" and will </b></span></span><b><span class="text Isa-61-3">"bestow... a crown of beauty</span></b><span class="indent-1"><b><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></b><span class="text Isa-61-3"><b>instead of ashes".</b> <b>God grants "</b></span></span><b><span class="text Isa-61-3">joy</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3">instead of mourning,</span></span><span class="text Isa-61-3"> and a garment of praise</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3">instead of a spirit of despair."</span></span></b><span class="text Isa-61-3"></span><br />
<br />
No matter what the devastation-- or where-- there is healing. Wellness is a process, and it takes time- but there is<b> <i>always</i></b> hope. <br />
<br />
For me, the attacks were personal.
Not just because my father in law lives in New York, nor because my
family's day to day life changed as a result the attacks. Not because I
found out I was expecting our youngest son in the wake of 9-11. It's
personal because the enemy attacked on our home territory, and it's compelling because so many
heroes stood up that day and made a difference.<br />
<br />
I like to think that the kindness and unity and love and decency that flowed from heart to heart that day eclipses the evil the enemy intended. And I believe with all my being that God never fails to give beauty for ashes. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i>~Just Me</i><br />
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-79637612001811139662015-04-24T18:12:00.002-07:002015-10-06T10:16:28.745-07:00Fighting Fear<i>Why do these things always seem to happen in the middle of the night? </i><br />
<br />
It's 4 am and my son's insulin pump has stopped working. Bleary eyed, I muscle through drowsiness, giving a shot of insulin to bring down a blood glucose level of almost 600... and wait. I restart the pump; it kicks back into gear.<br />
<br />
<b>I pray, and wait. Every hour, on the hour, I check blood glucose levels and <i>pray</i>. </b>Mid morning the pump shuts down again. It won't re-boot. After a conversation with the insulin pump company, a new pump is sent out. I find an older pump, our "back up", and continue to check Blood Glucose levels hourly, correcting high BG levels via syringe. Late in the afternoon, the "substitute" pump stops working... <b><i>and I panic</i></b>.<br />
<br />
I have back up "24 hour" insulin on hand, but need the doctor's guidance regarding dosage. I call the endocrinologist's office and wait. <b>And wait.</b> Wait to see if he'll switch over to "shot therapy" til the new pump arrives, or simply be admitted to the ER and hooked up to an IV machine. <b>Nervous energy streams through me and I grasp at housework to burn it off... but it doesn't help. </b>I prepare for the worst-which at this point I believe would be the trip to the ER; a long night spent seeking stability.<br />
<br />
<b>Fear is rampant... until I recognize the battle. </b>A trip to the ER is not the worst that could happen.<b> </b>Not my preference, but still not <i>The Worst</i>. <br />
<br />
When panic surges, I try to reason with myself, to talk myself
into believing all will be OK, but<b> fear cannot be reasoned with. Fear must be <i>fought.</i></b><br />
<b><i> </i></b><br />
Today I was urged to <b>grab my bible and pray scripture over our situation. </b>Ephesians 1:2 reads <i>May God the Father and the Lord Jesus the Anointed surround you with grace and peace. </i>(The Voice Translation)<br />
<br />
Oh, how I <i>need</i> peace in these moments. I pray: God, grant me peace; I ask you to calm my heart, so I will hear your voice speaking Truth. <b>May I turn a deaf ear to the enemy and walk in YOUR plans and purposes for me- even if this includes that which I would not choose.</b><br />
<br />
Words from an old bible, binding worn 'til pages fell out, are<b> secured </b>to my bathroom mirror<b> that truth might wash over me daily, granting comfort and courage when I begin to fall apart: </b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 91:1-5</div>
<div class="line" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Ps-91-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup>He who<b> takes refuge</b> in the shelter of the Most High</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></span></div>
<div class="poetry" style="text-align: center;">
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-91-1">will be <i>safe</i> in the shadow of the Almighty. </span></span><br />
<b><span class="text Ps-91-2" id="en-VOICE-14802"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>He will say to the Eternal, “My shelter, my <i>mighty</i> fortress,</span></b><br />
<b><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-91-2">my God, I place <i>all</i> my trust in You.”</span></span></b><br />
<span class="text Ps-91-3" id="en-VOICE-14803"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>For He will rescue you from the snares set by your enemies...</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Ps-91-4" id="en-VOICE-14804"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup><b><i>Like a bird protecting its young,</i> God will cover you with His feathers,</b></span><br />
<b><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-91-4">will protect you under His <i>great</i> wings;</span></span></b><br />
<b><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-91-4">His faithfulness will form a shield around you, a rock-solid wall <i>to protect you.</i></span></span></b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(The Voice Translation) </div>
<br />
<br />
Prayer and God's word <b>form a double edged sword which slices through my fears, as I <i>choose</i> to take refuge.</b> When I recognize anxiety, I raise the battle cry- <i>"Help Me Jesus!"</i>- and find help as I pour out every fear, every concern.<b> </b><br />
<br />
<b> It helps me to visualize an altar</b>- a place to lay to rest my anxieties. I release, let go, breathe deep of the safety God's presence provides. <b>Then I picture God joining the battle, fighting off the enemy of my soul, speaking the truth- "This one is Safe in Me." </b><br />
<br />
I seal the alliance with powerful words of hope: <b><span class="text Ps-56-3" id="en-NIV-14759"></span><span class="text Ps-56-3" id="en-NIV-14759">"When I am afraid, I will trust in You."</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<i>~Just Me, Secure in the Lover of My Soul</i></div>
<div class="line">
<br /></div>
<div class="line">
<br /></div>
<div class="line">
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 56: 3-4 (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+56&version=VOICE" target="_blank">The Voice Translation</a>) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Ps-56-3" id="en-VOICE-14165"> When struck by fear,</span> <span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-56-3"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-56-3">I let go, depending <i>securely</i> upon You <i>alone</i>.</span></span><span class="text Ps-56-4" id="en-VOICE-14166"><sup class="versenum"> </sup> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Ps-56-4" id="en-VOICE-14166">In God—whose word I praise—</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-56-4">in God I place my trust. I shall not let fear come in!</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="line">
<br /></div>
</div>
Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-12259467155483643972015-02-21T17:24:00.001-08:002016-02-29T10:16:18.034-08:00Complications and LightSometimes life is more than complicated- it's <i>staggering</i>. It's tangled and muddled, raveled into a turbulent mire. Caregivers can find themselves deluged as special needs or medical issues bring <i>much </i>more than we can handle.<br />
<br />
Beth Moore writes :<i> "I am so glad God did not limit his Holy Writ to high and lofty subjects.</i>" No, he gets down and dirty with the best of us, reaching for us in the midst of the messiest, most desperate times. "<b>So that we don't lose heart or hope, He graciously made sure we'd know... abnormal is more normal than normal</b>." (Believing God: Week 4, Day 5) <br />
<br />
Still, there are secret shames that haunt our paths. Pressures and broken places, shards littering the path to greater wellness. Some of the stumbling places are losses or wounds. Others are diagnoses. <b>The ones we don't talk about. The ones that come with a stigma.</b> Diabetes is generally accepted, but what of depression or anxiety? When families flounder through mental health crises it can be isolating. <b>In the throes of grief, there is a fear that keeps us from sharing these secret struggles- sometimes even with those close to us.</b> Whether your loved one is inpatient in a mental health facility, or seeking outpatient care, it seems safer to hide the frightening reality that within an intricate make-up, something microscopic is disjointed... and the ramifications are life altering. <br />
<br />
While it is wise to share the tenderest burdens with those who've <b><i>earned </i></b>our trust it, know this- <b>God does not shy away from our dark and painful places. He does not brand or dishonor. He does not judge the suffering as less than</b>.<br />
<br />
When I am overwhelmed and exhausted, worn down under the demands of managing harrowing medical diagnoses, when I feel confined, when fears or uncertainties compress my spirit, <b>I am learning the way to get to a wide open place: Nestle into <i>Jesus</i>.</b> In his arms I will find:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b> I am not stuck, I am held. </b></div>
<br />
The hardest journeys are an opportunity for moment by moment intimacy with God. I confess I still need practice running to my Healer, my only True Source. <b>His presence <i>IS </i>the gift amidst suffering. He<i> IS</i> the light, the way through. There is no shame in allowing him free access to "sort out the tangled mess." </b>(Beth Moore, Believing God)<b><br /></b><br />
<br />
<b>In a world fraught with labels and subjective chatter, there is One who is Safe and Secure, a light which <i>thrives </i>in murky jumbles. "<i>It cannot and will not be quenched</i></b>. (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=VOICE" target="_blank">John 1:5 The Voice Translation) </a><br />
<br />
<i>~Just Me... and the One who Is my Source </i><br />
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661960942994691705.post-68837345597188444542015-02-14T10:29:00.000-08:002016-02-29T10:23:01.051-08:00For the Disordered DaysIt was one of those days. One of those weeks, really. One of those homeschooling, lucky-if-I-get-five-minutes-to-myself-between-doctor-visits kinds of weeks. <i>Busy</i> is an understatement. That evening my youngest had a school event where I'd see friends and neighbors and I was feeling thrown together, and not really keen on<i> the world </i>seeing me in this condition. <br />
<br />
I have one child in public school and am homeschooling the other. Both have some specific medical issues requiring this tactic. This leads to an interesting, and mostly manageable dynamic, but leaves little time for self care-- and a great need for<i> <b>recovery.</b></i><b> </b>All week I'd been grabbing lightening quick showers... <b>but it was beyond hair washing day, ya'll. Way beyond. </b>My ultra-fine-straight-as-a-board hair needed more TLC than I had time to give. My focus had been on basic hygiene: soap, deodorant, and toothpaste. (I've postponed more than one hot date with the curlers this month.)<br />
<br />
I'd also had the dreaded mammogram that day. Not your run of the mill, disagreeable, uncomfortable, chilly kind of mammogram. The "we think we see something, but it may just be the picture so come back and have another" kind of mammogram. The smash your delicate tissue <i>and</i> your rib cage to be sure it's just a blip on the screen kind of mammogram. The ice cold, intensely painful, hold your breath and count to 25 kind of mammogram. (Several, actually, from repeated angles.) <b>The tears stinging, Duggar-side -hug-for-two-weeks-after kind of mammogram. </b><br />
<br />
What little make-up I may have had on before that ordeal was likely sliding down my face, but I had not had the time or the energy to check. There were homeschool e-mails to write, return calls to make to teachers, and a play date between school and The Big Dance.<br />
<br />
Bless my sweet husband, who covered the dreaded (home school) Geometry lesson, allowing me some respite before the public school day ended. I slipped on resting gear, and <i><b>worked on recovery </b></i>for the time remaining until my youngest and his friend arrived from school. Then, I hit the ground running. I was in charge of recreation and refreshment, dinner and drop off. Not to mention hunting down clean towels, providing hair gel, Axe body spay, and "on fleek" dance wear. <br />
<br />
About a minute before dropping two pre-teen boys off at the middle school, I realized I was wearing jogging pants, a dressy top, and house slippers. Lovely ensemble, but no time to change. Two very excited 13 year olds must be chauffeured to the event of the year. I threw on a fleece jacket to complete the look, and, feeling rather disheveled, shifted the mini van into gear.<br />
<br />
When I arrived at the school, I was relieved to see only Dads outside. After a couple quick (side) hugs to the male halves of the couples we know (so as not to be completely antisocial) I jumped into the mini van, asking our friends to "Tell the girls I'll say hi after."<br />
<br />
I was completely OK with the Dads seeing me in this disordered state, but the Moms? I had absolutely no desire to walk through those doors.<br />
<br />
Now I have lovely friends...sweet and supportive, <i>wonderful.</i> Every time my eldest has landed in the hospital I've had beautiful people showing up and helping. Meals arriving while I am frantically loading up medical supplies, Do-you-need-anything calls and texts. Friends cleaning ketone induced throw up off bed sheets while I drive to the ER. Blessed ladies checking in on my husband and taking care my youngest, making sure the other half of my family is OK, while I am ensconced with my eldest in a hospital room.<br />
<br />
These are pray-for-me, <i>precious </i>kind of friends. Quality ladies, not mean nasty backstabbers like you sometimes see on TV. But I could not bring myself to walk through those doors looking such a mess. <br />
<br />
I had an intense yearning for shampoo, a pedicure, and that hot date with my curlers. Later, I wondered <i>why? </i>Barring the few PTA moms I don't know what was I afraid of?<br />
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A lot of these ladies have seen me with no make-up on. A number of them know what I smell like after a 5K. Quite a few have seen me at the water park sporting the the half- made-up, half melted candle look. So why, on this day, of all days, did I sprint back to my minivan and drive carefully, but compulsively away?<br />
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A while back I discovered a blog that resonates: <a href="http://www.scissortailsilk.com/2013/09/25/you-are-not-my-competition/" target="_blank">You Are NOT My Competition</a><br />
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She brings up the point that women can be quick to judge. (Did I mention the crusty smears of dinner preparations on the sleeves of my blouse?) <span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sometimes the evidence of a difficult or taxing day is worn not just on our clothes, but in our hearts. </b></span>At these times, I feel <i>less than. </i>Less than together, less than successful, less than perfect. And, let's face it- most women struggle with perfectionism... with the idea of some standard we <i>should</i> live up to.<br />
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If I'm keeping it real, there are a lot of days I don't reach that standard. A lot of days where my house is messy, and there are dishes in the sink overnight. <b>I have the urge to say to the less harried perfectionists out there- <u>don't judge. </u></b><br />
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Whether you understand or not, my life is chaotic.<b> I've been working to clean those dishes in between battling for health and wellness, and what comes first is not the pan that soaked too long, but the son I am trying to keep alive <i>and </i>well. </b>Some days, just having blood sugars in range and sensory needs met is all I can accomplish. Sometimes the victory is that we did NOT make the trek to the hospital today. <b>Sometimes, my own need for recovery trumps the dust bunnies and the crumbs. </b><br />
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I've had to learn to let go. To give grace- to others, <i>and to myself. </i><br />
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<b>Sometimes the hardest part is claiming grace for <i>me</i>.</b> I can justify the actions of others, but I know myself. I know what I am capable of, what I value--and I have high expectations of myself. <br />
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Still, sometimes I let myself down. I am not perfect. I'd really like to be. Yet in the middle of the ups and downs and struggles and anxieties, I do the best I can. <b>I'm learning to choose mental wellness over outer appearances.</b> It's a battle, but I am reminded Whose opinion of me matters.<br />
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I'm working to <i><b>Let Go</b></i> of perfection, and of what others think of me. I'm working to nestle in to the One who offers unconditional acceptance, greasy hair and all.<br />
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I'm learning to<i><b> Let Go</b></i> of perfectionist expectations and simply take care of myself. <b>Embracing self care does not necessarily mean I have make up on or coiffed hair. Sometimes it means that it's Ok to rest-- and it's ok to not <i>look</i> completely put together. </b>To admit to a nap after a grueling ordeal in a busy season... on the world wide web no less. To be OK if you don't "get it" and to leave you free to your own judgements- without letting it affect my self esteem.<br />
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So... will I go in and say hi to my friends next time I am feeling less than up to par? I can't guarantee it, but I sure do hope that<i> in the moment </i>I will remember my worth is not found in how people judge me, but in who God says I am: <br />
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<b>Unconditionally loved and accepted, mess and all. </b><br />
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<i>~Just Me </i><br />
<br />Rebekah Benimoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454190597670865045noreply@blogger.com0